40 Naseeha
All praise be to Allah, we praise Him
and seek His help and forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allah from
the evil of our own selves and from our evil deeds. Whomsoever Allah
guides, no one can lead astray, and whomsoever Allah leaves astray,
no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allah
Alone, with no partner or associate, and I bear witness that Muhammad
is His slave and Messenger.The home is a blessing.Allah says (interpretation
of the meaning):"And Allah has made for you in
your homes an abode…"[al-Nahl 16:80]Ibn Katheer (may Allah have mercy on
him) said:"Here Allah, may He be blessed and
exalted, is mentioning His complete blessing to His slaves: He
has given them homes which are a peaceful abode for them, to which
they retreat as a haven which covers them and gives them all kinds
of benefits."What does the home represent to each
one of us? Is it not the place where he eats, enjoys intimacy with
his wife, sleeps and rests? Is it not the place where he can be
alone and can meet with his wife and children?Is the home not the place that offers
cover and protection to women? Allah tells us (interpretation of
the meaning):"And stay in your
houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of
ignorance…"[al-Ahzaab 33:33]If you think about those who are homeless,
who live in shelters, or on the streets, or as refugees scattered
in temporary camps, then you will realize the blessing of having
a home. If you listen to a distressed homeless person saying, "I
have nowhere to settle, no fixed place to stay. Sometimes I sleep
in so and so’s house, sometimes in a café or park or on the
sea-front, and I keep my clothes in my car", then you will realize
the disruption that results from not having the blessing of a home.When Allah punished the Jews of Banu
Nadeer, He took away this blessing and expelled them from their
homes, as He said (interpretation of the meaning):"He it is Who drove out the disbelievers
among the people of the Scripture (i.e. the Jews of the tribe
of Banu al-Nadeer) from their homes at the first gathering."Then He said:
"...they destroyed
their own dwellings with their own hands and the hands of the
believers. Then take admonition, O you with eyes (to see)."[al-Hashr59:2]There are many motives for the believer
to pay attention to putting his house in order.Firstly: protecting himself and his
family from the Fire of Hell, and keeping them safe from the burning
punishment:"O you who believe!
Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose
fuel is men and stones, over which are (appointed) angels stern
(and) severe, who disobey not, (from executing) the Commands they
receive from Allah, but do that which they are commanded." [al-Tahreem
66:6]Secondly: the great responsibility
borne by the head of the household on the Day of Reckoning The Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:"Allah will ask every shepherd (or
responsible person) about his flock (those for whom he was responsible),
whether he took care of it or neglected it, until He asks a man
about his household."Thirdly: the home is a place to protect
oneself, to keep away from evil and to keep one's own evil away
from people. It is the refuge prescribed by Islam at times of fitnah
(strife, tribulation).The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said:"Blessed is the one who controls
his tongue, whose house is sufficient for him, and who weeps over
his mistakes."The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said:"There are five things, whoever does
one of them, Allah will be with him: visiting the sick, going
out for jihad, entering upon his leader with the intention of
rebuking and respecting him, or sitting in his home so that the
people are safe from him and he is safe from the people."The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said:"The safety of a man at times of
fitnah is in his staying home."The Muslim can see the benefit of this
advice when he is residing in a foreign land where he is unable
to change much of the evil around him. Then he will have a refuge
which, when he enters it, will protect him from doing haram things
or looking at haram things, and will protect his wife from wanton
display and unveiling, and will protect his children from bad company.Fourthly: people usually spend most
of their time at home, especially when it is very hot or very cold,
when it is raining, early or late in the day, and after finishing
work or school, so this time should be spent in worship and halal
pursuits, otherwise it will be spent in wrongdoing.Fifthly and most importantly, paying
attention to the home is the most important means of building a
Muslim society, because the society is formed of the households
and families that form its building blocks. Households form neighborhoods,
and neighborhoods form societies. If the building blocks are sound,
the society will be based on the laws of Allah, standing firm in
the face of enemies and filled with goodness that evil cannot penetrate.
Then Muslim homes will produce pillars of society who will reform
and guide it aright, such as exemplary dai’yahs, seekers of
knowledge, sincere mujahideen, righteous wives, caring mothers and
all other types of reformers.Because this subject is so important,
and our homes are full of so many shortcomings and evils and examples
of negligence, this begs the very important question: What are the
means of reforming our homes?The following contains advice on this
topic. May Allah benefit us from it, and cause the Muslims to focus
their efforts on reviving the Muslim home.All the following advice revolves around
two things: achieving our interests, which is by establishing that
which is right and good, and warding off evil, by removing that
which can cause it or bring it into our homes.Making a good choice when choosing
a wife:"And marry those
among you who are single (i.e., a man who has no wife and a woman
who has no husband) and (also marry) the saalihoon (pious, fit
and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female
slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty.
And Allah is All-Sufficient for His creatures’ needs, All-Knowing
(about the state of the people)." [al-Noor 24:32]The head of the household must select
a righteous and suitable wife based on the following conditions
described in various Ahaadeeth:"A woman may be married for four
things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty or her religion. Choose
the one who is religious, may your hands be rubbed with dust [i.e.,
may you prosper]!" (Agreed upon)."This world is all temporary conveniences,
and the greatest joy in this life is a righteous wife." (Reported
by Muslim, 1468)."Let every one of you have a thankful
heart, a remembering tongue [remembering Allah] and a believing
wife who will help him with regard to the Hereafter." (Reported
by Ahmad, 5/282, and al-Tirmidhi and Ibn Maajah from Thawbaan.
Sahih al-Jaami’, 5231).According to another report: "A righteous
wife to help you with your worldly and religious affairs is the
best treasure anyone could have." (Reported by al-Bayhaqi. Sahih
al-Jaami’, 4285)."Marry one who is loving and fertile,
for I will be proud before the other Prophets of your great numbers
on the Day of Resurrection." (Reported by Ahmad. Sahih al-Irwa’,
6/195)."I advise you to marry virgins, for
their wombs are more fresh, their mouths are more sweet and they
are more content with little." According to another report: "…
and they are less likely to deceive." (Reported by Ibn Maajah.
Al-Silsilah al-Sahih, 623).Just as a righteous wife is one of
the four elements of happiness, so a bad wife is one of the four
elements of misery, as it says in the Sahih hadeeth:"One of (the elements of) happiness
is a righteous wife, who when you see her you feel pleased, and
when you are away, you feel that you can trust her with regard
to herself and your property. And one of (the elements of) misery
is a bad wife who when you see her, you feel upset, she keeps
attacking you verbally, and when you are away, you do not feel
that you can trust her with regard to herself and your property."On the other hand, it is also essential
to look at the situation of the prospective husband who is proposing
marriage to the Muslim woman, and to agree to his proposal in accordance
with the following conditions:The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said:"If there comes to you one with whose
religion and character you are pleased, then marry your daughter
[or sister, etc.] to him, otherwise there will be fitnah and great
corruption in the land."All of the above must be achieved through
asking the right questions, verifying facts, gathering information
and checking sources, so that the home will not be corrupted or
destroyed."The righteous man and
righteous woman together will build a righteous home, because the
vegetation of a good land comes forth (easily) by the Permission
of its Lord, and that which is bad, brings forth nothing but a little
with difficulty…" [al-A’raaf 7:58}Striving to guide ones wife
If one's wife is righteous, this is
a blessing indeed, and this is from the Bounty of Allah. If she
is not that righteous, then it is the duty of the head of the household
to strive to guide her. Any of the following scenarios may apply:A man may marry a woman who is not
religious in the first place, because he himself is not religious
at first, or he may have married her in the hope of guiding her,
or under pressure from his relatives, for example. In these cases
he must strive hard to guide her.A man must also realize from the outset
that guidance comes from Allah, and that Allah is the One Who reforms
people. One of His blessings to his slave Zakariya was, as He said
(interpretation of the meaning):"… and [We]
cured his wife for him…"[al-Anbiya’ 21:90].This curing or reforming may have been
physical or religious. Ibn ‘Abbaas said:"She was barren and could not have
children, then she had a child."Ataa’ said:
"She was harsh of tongue, and Allah
reformed her."There are various means of guiding
or reforming ones wife, such as:
- Paying attention to correcting her
worship of Allah in all its aspects, as will be discussed in detail
below.- Striving to strengthen her eemaan,
such as:
- Encouraging her to pray at night
(qiyaam al-layl)- Encouraging her to read Qur'an
- Encouraging her to memorize
adhikaar (remembrance of Allah) and remember the appropriate
times and occasions for saying them- Encouraging her to give charity
- Encouraging her to read useful
Islamic books- Encouraging her to listen to
useful Islamic cassettes that can increase knowledge and strengthen
eemaan – and continuing to supply her with them.- Choosing good, religious friends
for her, with whom she can form ties of sisterhood and have
good conversations and purposeful visits.- Protecting her from evil and
blocking off all avenues for it to reach her, by keeping her
away from bad companions and bad places.Creating an Atmosphere of Faith
in the HomeMaking the home a place for the remembrance
of AllahThe Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said:"The likeness of a house in which
Allah is remembered and the house in which Allah is not remembered
is that of the living and the dead, respectively."We must make our homes places where
Allah is remembered in all kinds of ways, whether in our hearts,
verbally, during prayer, by reading Qur'an, by discussing Islamic
issues, or by reading different kinds of Islamic books.How many Muslim homes nowadays are
dead because there is no remembrance of Allah, as mentioned in the
hadeeth. What must they be like when all that is heard therein is
the music of Shaytan with instruments and singing, and backbiting,
slander and gossip?What must they be like when they are
filled with evil and sin, such as the haram mixing of the sexes
and wanton display between relatives who are not mahram or with
neighbors who enter the home?How can the angels enter a home like
this? Revive your homes with all kinds of dhikr, may Allah have
mercy on you!
What is meant is taking the home as a place of worship?Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
"And We inspired
Moosa and his brother (saying): ‘Take dwellings for your
people in Egypt, and make your dwellings as places for your worship,
and perform al-salah, and give glad tidings to the believers."
[Qur'an Yoonus 10:87]Ibn ‘Abbaas said:
"They were commanded to take their
dwellings as places of prayer [lit. mosques]."Ibn Katheer said:
"This – and Allah knows best
– was because of the intensity of the tribulation that they
were facing from Pharaoh and his people. They were commanded to
pray much, as Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):‘O
you who believe! Seek help with patience and prayer…’
[al-Baqarah 2:153], and as it was reported in the hadeeth that
the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him),
when he was distressed by something, would pray."This explains the importance of worshipping
at home, especially at times when the Muslims are in a position
of weakness, as happens in some places where the Muslims cannot
pray openly in front of the kuffaar. In this context we may think
of the mihraab of Maryam, which was her place of worship, as Allah
says (interpretation of the meaning):"… Every time
Zakariya entered the mihraab to visit her, he found her supplied
with sustenance…"[Aal ‘Imraan 3:37]The Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with
them) used to be keen to pray at home – apart from the fard
or obligatory prayers (which they prayed in congregation in the
mosque) – and there is a moving story concerning this.Mahmood ibn al-Rabee’ al-Ansaari
reported that ‘Utbaan ibn Maalik – who was one of
the Companions of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him) and was one of the Ansaar who had been present at
Badr – came to the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) and said: "I am losing my sight, and I lead
my people in prayer. When it rains, the valley between me and
them gets flooded and I cannot get to their mosque to lead them
in prayer. O Messenger of Allah, I would like you to come to come
and pray in my house so that I can take it as a place for prayer."
The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
said, "I will do that, in sha Allah."; ‘Utbaan said: "The
next day the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him) and Abu Bakr came in the morning. The Messenger of
Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked for permission
to enter, and I gave him permission. He did not sit down until
he entered the house, then he said, ‘Where would you like
me to pray in your house?’ I showed him a corner of the
house, then the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him) stood up, said Takbeer, and we stood in a row behind
him, and he prayed two rak’ahs and gave the salaam at the
end of the prayer." (Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/519)Spiritual training for the members
of the householdAa'ishah (may Allah be pleased with
her) said: "The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him) used to pray qiyaam at night, and when he prayed witr
he would say, ‘Get up and pray witr, O ‘Aa’ishah’"
(Reported by Muslim, Muslim bi Sharh al-Nawawi, 6/23).The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) said: "May Allah have mercy on a man who gets
up at night and prays, then he wakes up his wife to pray, and if
she refuses he throws water in her face." (Reported by Ahmad and
Abu Dawood. Sahih al-Jaami’, 3488).Encouraging the women of one's household
to give charity is another means of increasing faith. This is something
very important which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) encouraged, when he said, "O women! Give in charity, for
I have seen that you form the majority of the inhabitants of Hell."
(Reported by al-Bukhari, al-Fath, 1/405).One of the new ideas is to have a box
at home for donations to the poor and needy: whatever is put in
the box belongs to them, because it is their vessel in the Muslim
home.If the family members see an example
among them fasting on al-Ayyaam al-Beed (the 13th, 14th
and 15th of each Hijri month), Mondays and Thursdays,
Taasoo’aa’ and ‘Aashooraa’ (the 9th
and 10th of Muharram), ‘Arafaah, and frequently
in Muharram and Sha’baan, this will be a motive for them to
do likewise.Paying attention to adhkaar and Sunnah
du'a’s that have to do with the homeAdkhaar for entering the home:
Muslim reported in his Sahih that the
Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:
"When any one of you enters his home
and mentions the Name of Allah when he enters and when he eats,
the Shaytan says: ‘You have no place to stay and nothing
to eat here.’ If he enters and does not mention the name
of Allah when he enters, [the Shaytan] says, ‘You have a
place to stay.’ If he does not mention the name of Allah
when he eats, [the Shaytan says], ‘You have a place to stay
and something to eat.’" (Reported by Imam Ahmad, al-Musnad,
3/346; Muslim, 3/1599).Abu Dawood reported in his Sunan that
the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
said:"If a man goes out of his house and
says, ‘Bismillaah, tawakkaltu ‘ala Allah, laa hawla
wa laa quwwata illaa Billaah (In the name of Allah, I put my trust
in Allah, there is no help and no strength except in Allah),’
it will be said to him, ‘This will take care of you, you
are guided, you have what you need and you are protected.’
The Shaytan will stay away from him, and another shaytan will
say to him, ‘What can you do with a man who is guided, provided
for and protected?’" (Reported by Abu Dawood and al-Tirmidhi.
Sahih al-Jaami’, no. 499)Siwaak
Imam Muslim reported in his Sahih that
‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) said:"When the Messenger of Allah (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) entered his house, the first
thing he would do was use siwaak." (Reported by Muslim, Kitaab
al-Tahaarah, chapter 15, no. 44).Continuously reciting Surah al-Baqarah
in the house to ward off the ShaytanThere are a number of Ahaadeeth concerning
this, such as:the Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Do not make your houses
into graves. The Shaytan flees from a house in which Surah al-Baqarah
is recited." (Reported by Muslim, 1/539)The Messenger of Allah (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Recite Surah al-Baqarah
in your houses, for the Shaytan does not enter a house in which
Surah al-Baqarah is recited." (Reported by al-Haakim in al-Mustadrak.
1/561; Sahih al-Jaami’, 1170).Concerning the virtues of the last
two aayaat of this soorah, and the effect of reciting them in one’s
house, he (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said:"Allah wrote a document two thousand
years before He created the heavens and the earth, which is kept
near the Throne, and He revealed two aayaat of it with which He
concluded Surah al-Baqarah. If they are recited in a house for
three consecutive nights, the Shaytan will not approach it." (Reported
by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 4/274, and others. Sahih al-Jaami’,
1799).Teaching the family
This is an obligation which the head
of the household must undertake, in obedience to the command of
Allah (interpretation of the meaning):"O you who believe!
Ward off from yourselves and your families a Fire (Hell) whose
fuel is men and stones…" [al-Tahreem 66:6]This aayah is the basic principle regarding
the teaching and upbringing of one's family, and enjoining them
to do what is good and forbidding them to do what is evil. There
follow some of the comments of the mufassireen on this aayah, in
so far as it pertains to the duties of the head of the household.Qutaadah said:
"He should command them to obey Allah,
and forbid them to disobey Him, and direct them in accordance
with the commands of Allah, and help them to do that."Dahhaak and Muqaatil said:
"It is the Muslim’s duty to
teach his family, including relatives and female slaves, what
Allah has enjoined upon them and what He has forbidden."‘Ali (may Allah be pleased with
him) said:"Teach them and discipline them."
Al-Tabari (may Allah have mercy on
him) said:"We must teach our children and wives
the religion and goodness, and whatever they need of good manners.
If the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him) used to urge the teaching of female servants, who were slaves,
what do you think about your children and wives, who are free?"Al-Bukhari (may Allah have mercy on
him) said in his Sahih:"Chapter: a man’s teaching
his female slaves and wife."Then he quoted the hadeeth of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him):"There are three who will have two
rewards: … a man who has a female slave whom he teaches
good manners and teaches her well, and teaches her knowledge,
and teaches her well, then he frees her and marries her: he will
have two rewards."Ibn Hajar (may Allah have mercy on
him) said, commenting on this hadeeth:"The chapter heading refers specifically
to female slaves, and to wives by analogy, i.e., teaching one’s
free wife about her duties towards Allah and the Sunnah of His
Messenger is more clearly essential than teaching one's female
slaves."In the midst of all a man’s activities,
work and other commitments, he may forget to allow himself time
for teaching his wife. One solution to this is to allocate some
time for the family, and even for others such as relatives, to hold
a study-circle at home. He can let everyone know the time and encourage
them to come regularly, so that it will be an ongoing commitment
for him and for them. Something similar happened at the time of
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).Al-Bukhari (may Allah have mercy on
him) said:"Chapter: can the women be given
a day exclusively for them to seek knowledge?"and quoted the hadeeth of Abu Sa’eed
al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him):"The women said to the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him): ‘The men always crowd
us out and we cannot reach you, so set aside a day for us when
we can come to you.’ So he set aside a day when he would
meet them and teach them."Ibn Hajar said:
"A similar report was narrated by
Sahl ibn Abi Saalih from Abu Hurayrah, according to which [the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)] said: ‘Your
appointment is in the house of so and so,’ and he came to
them and spoke to them.’"What we learn from this is that women
should be taught in their houses, and we see how keen the women
of the Sahaabah were to learn. Directing teaching efforts to men
alone, and not to women, is a serious shortcoming on the part of
dai’yahs and heads of households.Some readers may ask, suppose we set
aside a day, and tell our families about it – what should
we study in these gatherings? Where do we begin?I suggest that you begin with a simple
program to teach your family in general, and the women in particular,
using the following books:
- The tafseer of al-‘Allaamah
Ibn Sa’di, entitled Tayseer al-Kareem al-Rahmaan fi Tafseer
Kalaam al-Mannaan, which is published in seven volumes and is
written in an easy style; you can read it or teach somes soorahs
and passages from it.- Riyaadh al-Saaliheen – you
could discuss the ahaadeeth quoted, along with the footnotes and
the lessons learned from them. You could also refer to the book
Nuzhat al-Muttaqeen.- Hasan al-Uswah bimaa thubita ‘an
Allahi wa Rasoolihi fi’l-Nuswah, by al-‘Allaamah Siddeeq
Hasan Khaan.It is also important to teach women
some of the ahkaam of fiqh, such as the rulings on tahaarah (purity)
and menstrual and post-partum bleeding, salah, Zakaah, siyam (fasting)
and hajj, if she is able to go; some of the rulings on food and
drink, clothing and adornment, the Sunan al-fitrah, rulings on maharim
(who is a mahram relative and who is not), rulings on singing and
photography, and so on. Among the important sources of such information
are the fatwas (rulings or edicts) of the scholars, such as the
collections of fatwas by Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz
and Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, and other scholars,
whether they are written fatwas or fatwas recorded on tapes.Another matter that may be included
in a syllabus for teaching women and family members is reminding
them of lessons or public lectures given by trustworthy scholars
and seekers of knowledge which they can attend, so they can have
a variety of excellent sources for learning. We should not forget
either the radio programs of Idhaa’at al-Qur'an al-Kareem;
another means of teaching is reminding family members of the particular
days when women can attend Islamic bookstores, and taking them there,
within the guidelines of sharee’ah [i.e., proper hijab, etc.]Start building an Islamic "library"
in your homeAnother thing that will help in teaching
your family and letting them develop a understanding of their religion
and help them adhere to its rules, is having one’s own Islamic
library at home. It does not have to be extensive; what matters
is choosing good books, putting them in a place where they are readily
accessible, and encouraging family members to read them.You could put books in a clean and
tidy corner of the living room and in a suitable place in a bedroom
or guest room; this will make it easy for any member of the family
to read constantly.In order to build a library properly
– and Allah loves things to be done properly – you should
include references so that family members can research various matters
and children can use them for their studies. You should also include
books of varying levels, so that old and young, men and women can
all use them. You should also have books for giving to guests, children’s
friends and family visitors, but try to get books that are attractively
presented, edited properly and with the sources and classification
of the Ahaadeeth properly given. You can make the most of Islamic
bookstores and exhibitions to build a home library, after consulting
and seeking advice from those who have experience in the field of
books. One way in which you can help family members to find a book
when they want it is to organize the books according to subject,
with books of Tafseer on one shelf, books of hadeeth on another,
fiqh on a third, and so on. One of the family members could also
compile alphabetical or subject indexes of the library, to make
it easier to look for books.Many of those who want to start a home
library may ask for titles of Islamic books. Here are a few suggestions:
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