How to start fair treatment between two wives

 

If a man marries a second wife, how should he start fair treatment between his two wives?

Praise be to Allaah.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If he marries a virgin, he should stay with her for seven nights, then start alternating (between his wives). If he marries a previously-married woman, then he should stay with her for three nights. That is because Abu Qulaabah narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “It is part of the Sunnah, if a man marries a virgin after marrying a previously-married woman, that he should stay with her for seven days, then start sharing his time, and if he marries a previously-married woman, he should stay with her for three days, then start sharing his time.” Abu Qulaabah said: If you wish, you may say that Anas attributed this to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and it is agreed upon.  If the previously-married woman wants him to stay with her for seven days, then he should do that, and make it up to the other wives later on , because Umm Salamah narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stayed with her for three days, and he said, “You are not unimportant; if you want I can stay seven nights with you, but if I do that, I have to do likewise with the rest of my wives.” According to another version, “If you wish, I will stay with you for three nights, then I will alternate among you.” According to another report: “If you wish, I will stay with you for three nights exclusively for you.”

Is it permissible for him to go to his second wife if he forsakes his first wife for a shar’i reason?

Is it permissible for him to go to his second wife if he forsakes his first wife for a shar’i reason [i.e., withholds conjugal relations for disciplinary purposes]? Or should he stay in the same house with the wife whom he is forsaking?

Praise be to Allaah. 

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

 For the sake of dividing his time fairly among his wives, giving each wife a night and a day, he should stay with her. And Allaah knows best.

Plural marriage is mustahabb for the one who can afford it; it is not obligatory

Is plural marriage obligatory for every Muslim who can afford it?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: plural marriage is Sunnah for the one who can afford it, and is not obligatory, according to scholarly consensus. See al-Mughni, 9/340. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Is plural marriage permissible in Islam or is it Sunnah? 

He replied: Plural marriage is Sunnah for the one who can afford it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”

[al-Nisa’ 4:3] 

And it is Sunnah because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did it. He had nine wives and Allaah benefited the ummah through them. This is one of the things that applied only to him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Other men are not allowed to have more than four wives. 

There are many benefits in plural marriage for men and women and for the Muslim ummah as a whole. Plural marriage enables everyone to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, to have many children, and for a man to take care of many women and protect them from the causes of evil and deviation. 

As for the one who cannot afford that and fears that he will not be able to treat co-wives justly, he should settle for just one wife, because Allaah says: “but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one”.  From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/202 

Secondly: It should be noted that in principle, marriage may be obligatory or mustahabb, depending on each person’s situation and his need for marriage. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

 With regard to marriage, people are of three categories: 

1 – Those who fear that they may commit haraam actions if they do not get married. In this case marriage is obligatory according to most of the fuqaha’, because a person has to keep himself chaste and avoid haraam things. 

2 – Those for whom it is mustahabb, who are those who feel desire but they are certain that they are not going to do haraam things. For such people marriage is better than devoting oneself to naafil acts of worship, because Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined and encouraged marriage, and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got married, as did his companions, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions only did that which is best. And because the interests served by marriage are many, because it protects one’s religious commitment, and it protects the woman, keeps her chaste and takes care of her, and produces children, and increases the numbers of the ummah, and will make the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) proud [of the numbers of his ummah in the Hereafter], and serves other interests, any one of which outweighs the benefits of doing naafil acts of worship, so it is better.  

3 – Those who have no desire, either because they were created without desire or because they were created with desire but have now lost it, because of old age or sickness, etc. These people are of two types: 

(a)      Those for whom marriage is mustahabb, because of the general meaning of the evidence which enjoins marriage.

(b)     Those for whom devoting themselves to worship is better, because they cannot fulfil the purposes of marriage and they would not be able to keep a wife chaste, which will cause her harm and this means that he will be keeping her without looking after her properly, and he will be taking on obligations and duties that he may not be able to fulfil.   

The evidence which indicates that marriage is encouraged should be understood as referring to those who have desire. 

And Allaah knows best.

He has two wives and it is difficult for him to treat them fairly

 

A man has two wives, each of whom lives far from the other, so it is not easy for him to treat them equally in terms of staying overnight with them. His place or work and business is where one of the wives lives, which means that he spends more time with one of them than the other. Is this husband sinning or not?.

Praise be to Allaah.

We should see whether the two wives are happy with the situation or not. If they are both happy then the matter is clear, because they have the right; if they are happy with what the husband is doing then there is no problem. If each of them demands her rights for the situation to be corrected, then he must treat them equally, spending a day with one and a day with the other. If it is too hard for him to go back and forth between them every day, then he may stay with one for three days or a week, and with the other for three days or a week, according to whatever he agrees with them. What matters is that he should treat them equally in terms of maintenance and time and everything in which he can treat them equally. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen. 

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftoohah, 3/447 

He should try to make their homes closer together and nearer to his place of work and business, so that he will be able to treat them fairly. 

And Allaah knows best.

Conditions for plural marriage

on what conditions is it allowed for a muslim to marry more than one wife?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Marrying more than one wife is a matter which is recommended, subject to certain conditions: that the man be financially and physically able for it, and that he be able to treat his wives justly. 

Plural marriage brings a lot of benefits, including protecting the chastity of the women whom he marries, bringing people closer together, and producing a lot of children. This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to when he said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile”. And it serves a lot of other purposes. But for a man to marry more than one wife by way of boasting and taking that as a challenge to prove himself, this is a form of extravagance and extravagance is forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and waste not by extravagance. Verily, He likes not al-musrifoon (those who waste by extravagance)”[al-An’aam 6:141]

He has two wives and he is not dividing his time among them fairly

Is it obligatory for a husband with two wives to designate specified days for each wife.  Also, is it permissable that he share the days between the two.  My husband presently has no designated days for us.  He comes to my home when he has finish his rounds at my co-wives house.  He then comes to my home to go to bed.  This arrangement is not acceptable to me.  Were on the brink of divorce.

Praise be to Allaah. 

The one who has more than one wife has to treat all his wives fairly. One of the matters in which he must be fair is the division of his time, i.e., he must give each wife a day and a night, and he must stay with her on that night. 

Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the opinion of the majority of Muslim scholars indicate that a man has to divide his days and nights between his wives [giving each a full day and night], and that he has to be fair in doing so. (al-Umm, 5/158). And he said: I do not know of any (scholarly) disagreement with the view that a man must share his time among his wives and do so fairly. (al-Umm, 5/280). 

Al-Baghawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If a man has more than one wife, he has to treat them equally, if they are free [i.e., not slaves], whether they are Muslims or from among the People of the Book [i.e., Jewish or Christian]. If he does not treat them equally, then he has disobeyed Allaah and he has to make it up to the one whom he wronged. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and leans towards (i.e. favours) one of them (over the other), will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” However there is some dispute concerning its isnaad. (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2/242; al-Tirmidhi, 3/447; al-Nasaa’i, 7/64; Ibn Maajah, 1/633; classed as saheeh by al-Haafiz in Buloogh al-Maraam, 3/310, and al-Albaani in Irwaa’ al-Ghaleel, 7/80). 

What is meant by this “leaning” is favouring in terms of actions; a man will not be taken to task for the inclination of his heart if he treats (his wives) equally in practical terms. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them…”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:129] 

What this means is that you will never be able to treat them equally in your heart, so do not incline too much towards one of them, i.e., do not make your actions follow your whims and desires.

(Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/150-151) 

Ibn Hazam (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Treating co-wives equally is obligatory, most of all sharing one’s nights between them.

(al-Muhalla, 9/175) 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He has to treat his wives fairly according to the consensus of the Muslims. In the four Sunans it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives…” He has to be fair in his division of time between them. So if he stays with one of them for one night, or two or three, he should stay with the other for the same number of nights, and he should not give preference to one of them in his sharing of his time.

(Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269) 

Al-‘Ayni said, commenting on the hadeeth, “Whoever has two wives…”: It was said that what was meant was that half of his body would be leaning in a real sense, or that he would have no acceptable excuse for favouring one wife over the other. The apparent meaning is that this is in the real sense. This is indicated by the report of Abu Dawood, “with half of his body leaning.” The punishment fits the crime, because he did not treat them fairly or he deviated from what is right. Because of his being unfair and favouring one of them, his punishment is that he will come before the witnesses on the Day of Resurrection with one half of his body leaning.

(‘Umdat al-Qaari’, 20/199. See also al-Mabsoot, 5/217). 

Al-Shawkaani also understood this to mean that it is obligatory (to treat co-wives fairly). See al-Sayl al-Jiwaar, 2/301; Nayl al-Awtaar, 6/216 

Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: We know of no dispute among the scholars concerning the fact that it is obligatory to treat co-wives equally when sharing one’s time between them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19], but favouring one of them is not honourable.

Al-Mughni, 8/138 

This husband has to fear Allaah and be fair in his division of his time. The wife has to tell him of the ruling of sharee’ah concerning what he is doing, and of the warning of mistreatment. She should remind him of Allaah and the Hereafter, so that he will check himself and be fair in his division of time. This is better than separating, in sha Allah. And Allaah knows best.

A wife giving up her right to maintenance; and is the first wife’s approval needed before one can marry a second wife?

Is it halal to have a second wife who says she does not need financial support. If so, what if the first wife does not allow the marriage..can a man still get married again?

Praise be to Allaah.

Maintenance is one of the rights of the wife which is an obligation upon her husband. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] 

If the woman foregoes this right, to which she is entitled – which is her maintenance– then it is no longer obligatory upon her husband. 

Ibn Qudaamah said: If she agrees to forego some part of her share (of her husband’s time) or her maintenance, or all of that, this is permissible. (al-Mughni, vol. 7, p. 244). 

With regard to the permission and approval of the first wife for a plural marriage, this is not a condition and the husband does not have to seek the permission of his first wife to marry a second. But it is prescribed for him to be kind to her and to spend money and to say kind words so as to calm her down and reduce her jealousy. The Standing Committee was asked about the first wife’s approval for one who wants to marry another wife. Their response was: 

It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the approval of the first wife, but it is the matter of good manners and kind treatment that he should speak to her kindly in such a way as to reduce the feelings of hurt which are natural in women in such cases.  That is by smiling at her, showing that he is happy to see her, being kind, speaking nicely and by spending money on her if necessary. 

See Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 204