Is there a hadith that relates to a husband needing the permission of present wife to marry 2nd wife?
Praise be to Allaah.
There is no hadeeth which states that, and it is not conditional for the husband to have his wife’s permission to take another wife. But it is in everyone’s interests for him to try to get her consent, because this will help to reduce problems in the marriage.
What to do when you are married to the same brother and the first wife threatens you and curses at you and will only give salaams when around other people to save face but doesn't speak when no one else is around. Ive been married for 9years to him her longer.
Praise be to Allaah.
She has to bear it with patience as much as possible, and not repay evil with evil. She should respond to her co-wife’s provocations by keeping silent and keeping calm. If she can write her a letter expressing her views, this is good. Then after that she will not be responsible for what she (her co-wife) does, because she will have done what she is obliged to do.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh
Adhere to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):
“and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness” [al-Furqaan 25:63]
“Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34]
Know that there is no better way of dealing with her than fearing Allaah concerning her when disobeys Allaah with regard to you..
And Allaah is the Guide to the straight path.
I live in the western country for 11 years, away from my parents. My father past away 15 years ago, I have a mother and 4 sisters in Iraq. I have 8 children wa lillahi- al hamd they are all small between the age 0f 2 years to 13. My mother is old, and currently ill, she always calls me and asks me to ge back to my country to see her before she dies. It is hard for me to go back, because I can't leave my children alone and my husband does not agree for me to go back and leave my children, and I don't have a mahram to go back with. I send her money, and I call her very often. I always cry, I know that I have to Please my mother but I just can't leave my children in a caafir country, my husband is working day and night and I don't have any relatives here. I am not sure what to do, should I listen to my mother, leave my children and go back to my country with out my husband permition?? Or should I listen to my husband and stay with my children.??.
I ask Allaah to heal your mother and to join you together in goodness and happiness and well being in this world and in the Hereafter.
I give you the glad tidings that as Allaah knows how loving and devoted you are to your mother and how hard you are trying to please her and honour her, He will decree that you will be rewarded for that by His grace and bounty.
The key to the matter is patience, because by means of patience hopes are fulfilled and calamities are lifted. Perhaps Allaah is testing you with this separation to see how patient you will be, then He will relieve it by enabling you to meet in a way that you never thought of, and He will bless you with being close to your mother, even if that is after some time.
But I should point out to you some important Islamic rulings on this matter:
1 – Remember that it is haraam for a woman to travel without a mahram.
Al-Baghawi said:
There is no difference of opinion that a woman cannot travel for anything but the obligatory Hajj except with her husband or a mahram. End quote.
Narrated in Fath al-Baari (4/76).
This has been discussed previously in the answers to questions no. 9370, 25841, 47029, 52703, and 82392.
2 – The husband has the right to forbid his wife to travel to visit her mother if her travelling will result in some negative consequences, such as fear for the children, or fear for the wife’s life if it is not safe in the country to which she will go, or if there is no mahram or the husband is too busy with his work. In that case it is not permissible for the woman to go against her husband’s wishes and travel without his permission. Ibn al-Mundhir narrated that there was consensus that the man may prevent his wife from taking any journey. They only differed about her travelling to perform the obligatory Hajj. See: Fath al-Baari (4/77). This has to do with journeys that may lead to the negative consequences mentioned above.
If none of these consequences will result from her travelling, it is not permissible for the husband to stop her from travelling to honour her parents and visit them in the way that will achieve the purpose, because honouring one’s parents is one of the most important of duties, and that undoubtedly includes visiting one’s sick mother who has asked to see her daughter before she passes away when the daughter has been away for such a long time.
It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (19/110):
The husband should not stop his wife from visiting her sick parents, because preventing her from doing that is cutting off her ties of kinship with them and making his wife go against him. Allaah has enjoined treating one’s wife with kindness and this is not kind treatment. End quote.
It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/387):
The husband must treat his wife kindly, in obedience to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. Part of living with them honourably is to give the wife permission to visit her family and keep in touch with them. Misunderstandings, especially about worldly matters, should not be an obstacle to that. But if the wife’s visiting her family will result in some negative consequences, then the husband has the right to stop his wife from visiting them, because warding off evil takes precedence over doing good. End quote.
If the husband insists on not letting his wife visit her parents, is it permissible for her to go against his wishes and go and visit them? The scholars differed concerning this and there are two opinions as mentioned previously in the answer to question no. 83360.
We do not favour the view that the wife may go against her husband’s wishes and leave his house without his permission, because of the serious negative consequences that this will have on the household, the family and the relationship between the couple. Warding off this evil is more important than the interests served by visiting the parents, especially since it is possible to reach an understanding with the husband so that he will allow and help his wife to go and see her mother. With good manners and a nice attitude, Allaah may soften their hearts and enable them to reach an agreement, in sha Allaah.
See also question no. 1426 and 10680.
3 – We would also remind you of what we said in the answers to questions no. 11793, 14235, and 27211, warning against settling in a kaafir country, because of the serious negative effects that that has on one’s religious commitment and morals. We hope that you will read those answers and benefit from them. The Muslim’s religious commitment is the best of his capital and it is not permissible for him to neglect it and lose himself and his children in return for money that he may earn in the kaafir lands.
And Allaah knows best.
I married my maternal cousin a month and a half ago, and I do not feel happy with this marriage, because she does not show much respect to me and she goes out of the house a lot to visit her family, and she does not obey me in some matters. One day she said: I want separate accommodation. Please note that I live with my brother and his wife, and my sister, and everyone is happy with us living together and staying as one family. I swore an oath to her that her request would be fulfilled, but she should be patient for a while. But she refused and went to her family’s house. News of that reached my mother and she found out that my wife wants me and my brother to live in separate houses, and she said: If you live with your wife in a separate house I will never enter your house, and neither will your brother or anyone else in your family. Now I am in a bad situation. 1 – Should I disobey my mother and obey my wife, or should I lose my wife and obey my mother? Please note that she did not stipulate in the marriage contract that she should have her house, rather she only stipulated that she should complete her studies. 2 – My family wants me to divorce her and take my money back, because she is being wilfully defiant (naashiz). 3 – My family and my people regard my leaving the house where I live with my brother as something shameful. My question is – is my wife really being wilfully defiant?.
Firstly:
The relationship between the spouses should be one of love and kindness, especially if they are related to one another, so the rights of kinship are joined with the rights of marriage. Both parties should strive to establish such a relationship.
Whatever happens of bad treatment between spouses may be due to the husband or the wife, or both of them. Based on that, you should look for the causes of her lack of respect towards you, or her not obeying your commands, and you should strive to sort it out.
Some woman who are newly married do not understand how important it is to obey the husband, and they do not understand the concept of qiwaamah (being in charge of the family) that is the husband’s role alone. Hence they need some time to understand that, and they may need someone to explain it to them and teach them. Perhaps you could seek the help of some useful tapes and books that speak about the relationship between the spouses and the foundations of its success.
At the same time, some men go too far in wanting their wives to hear and obey in absolutely everything, and if the wife discusses any issue with him or makes a suggestion or is a little late in doing what he told her to do, he accuses her of nushooz (wilful defiance), disobedience and going against the command of Allaah, and not respecting him.
The husband should never treat his wife as he would treat his servant, and the wife has the right to be respected and consulted, to give her own opinion and to discuss matters so that they will reach the decision that is best.
Secondly:
The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, and not to share it with anyone, whether it is a father, a mother or a relative.
This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’. She also has the right to refuse to live with his father, mother and siblings.
Al-Kaasaani said in Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i (4/24): If the husband wants to make her live with her co-wife or in-laws, such as the husband’s mother or sister or daughter from another wife or his relatives, and she refuses to do so, then he has to accommodate her in a separate house, because they may annoy her or harm her if they live together, and her refusal is an indication that she is being bothered or harmed. And because he needs to be able to have intercourse with her or be intimate with her at any time, and that cannot be done if there is a third person living with them. End quote.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah favoured the view that if the husband is poor or unable to provide separate accommodation for his wife, she does not have the right to ask for something he is unable to give. This was narrated from him in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/122). Rather she should bear it with patience until Allaah gives him the means.
To sum up, separate accommodation is the wife’s right, even if she did not stipulate it in the marriage contract, and she has the right to ask for it now, and she is not regarded as being wilfully defiant because of that. The commonly held view among some people, that this is creating division among siblings, is not true, because this is a shar’i right of the wife, and it serves the interests of both spouses, because it prevents free mixing and guards them against looking at things that are not permissible. It is unfortunate that in many shared family homes, a man may look at his brother’s wife, and they may shake hands or be alone together, which may lead to jealousy, envy, disputes and separation. There may also be arguments because of the children. Undoubtedly a man is a stranger (non-mahram) to his brother’s wife, so it is not permissible for him to shake hands with her or be alone with her or look at her, unless he is a mahram to her through some other means, such as breastfeeding.
The one who looks at shared family homes will be certain of the wisdom of what the scholars have said, that a wife should have her own home, because in many of these homes there are problems and differences between the spouses and between a man and his brother, and between the wife and her husband’s mother, and so on, as well as the many evils and things that go against Islam.
Finally, what we advise you to do is to strive to bring about a reconciliation between your wife and your mother and family, and give each one his or her dues. Give your wife her right to separate accommodation, and it will not matter if any of them get angry about you having your own home, because you are not doing anything wrong. But you have to continue to uphold ties of kinship with your relatives, mother and brothers.
If you cannot afford to provide a separate home for your wife at present, then you can make her a promise and advise her to be patient until Allaah makes you independent of means by His bounty.
I ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to reconcile between you and unite you, and to increase the love and affection between you.
And Allaah knows best.
There is a very ill mannered wife who slanders and insults her husband. He has warned her more than once, but she insists on insulting him. He cannot tolerate this but he has a daughter, and he fears for his daughter if he divorces his wife. What should he do?.
If the wife insults and reviles her husband, then he must advise her and warn her, and explain to her that her bad talk incurs sin, especially since the husband is the most deserving of people of her respect and good treatment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have told women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1159); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
You should follow with her the method that Allaah has mentioned in His Book, of admonishing, forsaking in bed and hitting in a way that does not cause injury. If none of that is successful, then you should seek help in advising her from a righteous person in her family, so as to preserve the family and take care of the rights of the children, if there are any.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
Among the admonishment that you may use with her is telling her of the sin that she is committing by disobeying her husband, and the great reward that she will attain if she obeys him.
You should also explain to her the harm that will be suffered by her, her husband and her daughter in the event of a divorce or if she continues to behave in this manner.
If the wife responds and is affected by this admonition, and she gives up this bad behaviour, then this is what is wanted. If she persists in her evil ways and foolishness, then there is no blame on the husband if he divorces her.
The scholars have stated that divorce may be permissible if it is needed because of the wife’s bad attitude and bad conduct, and if he is harmed by that and the purpose of marriage is not being achieved.
Al-Mughni (10/324).
What you have mentioned about being afraid for your daughter if you separate is something that should be taken into account. If you are afraid that you will not be able to bring her up, or that the girl will be harmed because of this divorce, then you should weigh up the two evils, that of staying with a woman whose attitude is bad and who is mistreating you, and that of what might happen to your daughter after a divorce. One of the basic principles of sharee’ah is doing the lesser of two evils in order to ward off the greater.
You should pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, before making your decision, and you should strive for reconciliation if possible. If that is not possible then strive to protect your daughter and get custody of her, and do not leave her for this woman to raise her with her attitude.
We advise you to pray to Allaah and always fear Him, for Allaah has promised provision and a way out to the pious who always fear Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).
3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure for all things”
[al-Talaaq 65:2-3]
We also advise you to repent to Allaah from all sins, for the wife’s bad attitude may be a punishment for sins that one has committed, as it was narrated that al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I disobey Allaah then I see that in the attitude of my mount or my wife.
We ask Allaah to set our affairs and the affairs of the Muslims straight.
And Allaah knows best.
I got married four months ago, and I promised my wife that she would have her own place to live, but because it was so difficult to find suitable accommodation in my city, I asked her to let us live with my family temporarily.
Is it permissible for her parents to object to us moving in with my family?.
Accommodation is one of the wife’s rights that the husband is obliged to provide, according to scholarly consensus, because Allaah has given the woman who is revocably divorced (first or second talaaq) the right to accommodation provided by her husband, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means”
[al-Talaaq 65:6] .
So the right to accommodation is even more certain in the case of one who is still married, because Allaah has enjoined kind treatment between spouses as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. Part of living with them honourably is providing one’s wife with accommodation where she feels safe. Similarly, a wife cannot do without accommodation to conceal her from the gaze of others and where she can relax and feel that her property is safe. Hence accommodation is a right that she has over her husband.
The majority of Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’ are of the view that the wife has the right to accommodation that is separate from her husband’s relatives, and she has the right to refuse to live with his father or mother or both.
The Maalikis are of the view that a distinction is to be made between a wife of noble status and a wife of lowly status. They said that it is not permissible to make a wife of noble status live with one’s parents, but that is permissible with regard to a wife of lowly status, unless making the wife of lowly status live with the parents will cause her harm. See: al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (25/109), al-Sharh al-Sagheer ‘ala Mukhtasar Khaleel (2/737).
But what is meant by accommodation according to the fuqaha’ is providing her with a room that has a door and a lock, along with a bathroom and kitchen, unless they are poor and are content to share a kitchen and bathroom.
Ibn ‘Aabideen said in his Haashiyah (3/600): The phrase “a separate house” means a place to spend the night, which is a separate, specific place. It seems that what is meant by separate is a place that is hers alone and she does not share it with anyone else in the household. “With a lock” means that which is locked and opened with a key. “… bathroom and kitchen” means a washroom and a place for cooking which are inside the room or the house, and she does not share them with any other member of the household. I (Ibn ‘Aabideen) say: And that should be the case with regard to people who are not poor, so that each person has his own room and some shared facilities such as the bathroom, oven and well.
See also question no. 7653.
Secondly:
If the wife agrees to live with your family, there is nothing wrong with that, because she is giving up her right. Her parents have no right to object to that, so long as she is an adult of sound mind.
She has the right to withdraw this agreement, because her right to separate accommodation is not forfeited by her giving it up.
Thirdly:
The wife’s living with her husband’s family should be free of any haraam things such as the husband’s brothers, paternal uncles etc being alone with her or looking at her.
It is well known that it is not permissible for a woman to be alone with, shake hands with or uncover any part of her ‘awrah in front of her husband’s brothers, because they are strangers to her like any other non-mahrams; rather there should be even more caution in their case, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” An Ansaari man said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4934) and Muslim (2172). al-Layth ibn Sa’d said: The in-law is the brother of the husband and similar relatives of the husband such as his cousin and the like.
Narrated by Muslim.
That depends on the situation of both the wife and of the husband’s family, and whether both parties can put up with sharing accommodation and living space. It seems that nowadays married life is affected greatly by such circumstances, and many problems between both parties are caused by sharing accommodation, to such an extent that it is very rare to find a happy and calm married life when sharing living space with the husband’s family. Perhaps it is because all people have seen such things that your wife’s family have objected to your moving in with your family, out of concern for your marriage, and they are not being stubborn or trying to control you and your family.
We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good and to help you and your family and your wife.
And Allaah knows best.
Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch
A woman is asking if her husband has rights over her. He is mentally ill. He does not interfere in the matters of their home. He also accuses her of being disloyal. She is far from him though. He is a father for 10 individuals. They got married without any help from his side. This made her very upset and she does not want to even talk with him. Please clarify the Islamic ruling on this matter.
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
We ask Allaah to heal your husband sooner rather than later, and we ask Allaah to increase your reward for your patience and forbearance. This calamity with which Allaah has tested you will bring reward if you are patient and seek reward for it.
It was narrated that Suhayb said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.”
Narrated by Muslim (2999).
And it was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No exhaustion, pain, anxiety, grief, harm or distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5318) and Muslim (2573).
Secondly:
In the case of your husband’s sickness, either he is aware of what he is doing and saying, or he is not aware. If he is aware, then he is accountable for what he says and does, and it is not permissible for him to accuse you or to fail to raise his children; he must do what Allaah has enjoined upon him of acts of worship and obedience, and not do that which Allaah has forbidden.
In this case you must carry out all marital duties and it is not permissible for you to neglect them.
If he is not aware of what he is saying and doing as the result of this sickness, then he is no longer accountable for what he says and does. But if his actions affect the rights of others, then the one whose right it is may take his right from your husband’s wealth or from his guardians, such as if he transgresses against someone by killing him or he damages his car and so on.
It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the sleeping person until he wakes up, from the minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4398), al-Nisaa’i (3432) and Ibn Maajah (2041); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
As for the one who has not yet reached puberty, or who has reached puberty but has no discernment or reason, or has lost his power of discernment after reaching puberty and being able to discern, such people are not accountable and they are not allowed to dispose of any of their wealth, because of the report that we have narrated from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The Pen has been lifted from three”, in which he mentioned “from the minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.”
Al-Muhalla (7/200).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
As for the rational man, his opposite is the insane man who has no reason, or the elderly man or elderly woman if they have reached the age where they have lost the power of discernment, which is known as senility. Such a person does not have to pray because he does not have the mental capacity.
Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (12/first question).
See scholarly comments on his behaviour and its effects in the answer to question no. 73412.
With regard to his accusation that you have sinned, if what you mean is an accusation of zina, then in the second case he is not committing slander, because an important condition, namely reason, is missing. Similarly, he cannot engage in li’aan either.
In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (33/11) it says:
The fuqaha’ are unanimously agreed that in order for a person to be regarded as committing slander, he (or she) must be an adult of sound mind and acting on the basis of free will, whether male or female, free or slave, Muslim or non-Muslim.
End quote.
To sum up:
You may either put up with what he is doing, if he does not understand what he is doing because of his sickness and loss of reason, or you may refer your case to the qaadi to determine whether he is fit to remain as your husband or the marriage may be annulled.
If he does understand what he is doing, then you may either put up with what is happening or you may ask him for a divorce, and if he refuses you may refer your case to the sharee’ah court to arrange a separation.
And Allaah knows best.
