She left her husband’s home, and her lover asked her to marry him when she was still married!

 

I am a 26 years old woman. I was divorced about one week ago, after I left my husband’s home a year before; I took my son who is two years old and stayed with my family. In the beginning of our love marriage I lived with him in his mother’s home. His mother started to interfere in everything in our life. He asked me to work and support him to pay off the loan he borrowed for our marriage. I found a job and helped him; my only condition was to live in an independent place alone far from his mother’s continuous interference. He promised me to do this. His mother was in control of everything at home; my husband was unable to object to anything otherwise she would ask him to leave. She works as well. 


I lived with my husband and tried him for two years I found him to be another person different from who I loved; he was just masked before marriage. He started taking all my salary and gives me just daily expenses. Whenever he was in need he used to ask me to sell my gold for him, which I have done, so has he. He used to ask me to borrow from my family, which I did, in return he never gave me anything. I was deprived of everything. He used to say one sentence a lot to me: “you know our circumstances so be tolerant”. He used to hide his wallet in the car and say that I do not have the right to what he has or what he does not have. Problems started to get bigger and bigger, and I kept asking him to find a separate place for us to live. 


He has a divorced sister, she works and sleeps in her work place which is a hotel located outside the city, when she used to come to visit us she used to stay up at night outside the home and returns every night after midnight. I did not like the whole situation and I had to tell my respectful husband: “what will the neighbors say about this home we live in, this is shameful” his answer was usually: “I will speak to them” I do not like this, after all he said to me: “these are our traditions, and I cannot leave my mother and sister and live far from them alone” as they are not Arabs.  


I was hesitant to tell my family about my situation because they all objected to this marriage and refused it but I insisted on marrying him because I thought he is moral and kind. How blind was I! I told my family that I heard him speaking to his mother complaining about me and she told him to beat me and to take my son from me. Then I left him and went to my family. Two weeks later he came to my family’s home to ask why I left home. I did not tell him that I heard anything. And just asked him to buy us a separate place to live alone. He agreed. We went to see the home we were going to buy, then he changed his mind, this situation remained for two years during which he accused me of having a relationship with someone else, and that this other person is spoiling my mind, this happened because my husband saw me with a man who is a friend of my father taking me from my work place. I found him there by chance and my husband was standing in the street at my work area, I asked this man to take me home because I feared my husband might hurt me. After this he started to defame me and give me two options, whether to stay with him in his mother’s home or to sacrifice all my rights then he divorces me. I of course refused and insisted on divorce, I did not want a separate home anymore.  


My husband brought two ‘disobedience cases’ against me, and then I asked for divorce through the court. The last five months I, by chance, spoke with the same man who took me by car from work, he is 14 years older than me. I told him about my story and what happened with me, he stood for me and taught me about life and people, and that there are matters one should not stand silent for them. He told me that accepting to marry my husband was a mistake from the beginning and that I was mistaken when I refused to listen to my family’s advice.  


I became attracted to him, although I know that it is wrong. I feel guilty because I love him and he loves me, this was not planned. We met many times, sat and talked a lot and he asked me to marry him before I got divorced. I wish I can accept but I am afraid of the consequences. I fear Allah, I fear I made a mistake when I loved another man while I am still married, although I left my husband 15 months ago, I got divorced about two weeks ago. 


Please guide me. Am I mistaken? Is what I did haram? I live in a conflict with myself, I am very confused. I do not want to disobey Allah or commit sins.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

You have done a number of
things that are clearly and obviously contrary to sharee’ah, hence we are
surprised at the end of your letter where you say “I do not want to anger
Allaah or commit sins”! Whatever the case, this is the bad consequences and
effect of sin, which is loss of reason and dimming of its light that would
lead to the straight path. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said, describing the effects of sin: 

… Sin corrupts reason, for
reason is light, and sin inevitably extinguishes the light of reason. If its
light is extinguished it becomes weak and imperfect. One of the salaf said:
No one disobeys Allaah but his reason is lost. This is obvious, because if
his reason was present, it would have prevented him from committing sin when
he is under the full control of Allaah, may He be exalted, or how could he
commit sin openly when He is watching him, and he is enjoying His blessings
and His angels are bearing witness over him and watching him, and the
teachings of the Qur’aan forbid that and the implication of faith and the
remembrance of death and the Fire should restrain him. The good of this
world and the Hereafter that he misses out on because of sin is many times
greater than the pleasure he may get from it. Can anyone who takes lightly
all that we have mentioned above still have sound reason?  

… If sins accumulate, then
a seal is placed on the sinner’s heart and he becomes one of the heedless,
as one of the salaf said concerning the words of Allaah (interpretation of
the meaning): “Nay! But on their hearts is the Raan (covering of sins and
evil deeds) which they used to earn” [al-Mutaffifeen 83:14] – he said:
This is sin after sin. Al-Hasan said: It is sin upon sin, until the heart
becomes blind. And someone else said: When their sins and acts of
disobedience become many, they encircle their hearts. 

The basic principle
concerning that is that the heart is corroded (lit. rusts) by sin, so if sin
increases, the corrosion prevails until it becomes raan, then it prevails
until it becomes a seal, and the heart becomes covered and enveloped. If
that happens after he has been guided and had insight, then he will be
reversed and turned upside down. At that point his enemy takes over and
leads him wherever he wants. 

Al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li
man sa’ala ‘an al-Dawa al-Shaafi (p. 39). 

We are sorry to tell you
that each of the sins that you have committed led to another; they affected
your reason and your heart, and extinguished their light. 

Secondly: 

The things that you did
which go against sharee’ah are: 

1.

The haraam relationship
which you formed with your first husband, before you married him. This is
clear from your saying that it was a love marriage, and from your going
against your family who refused to give you in marriage to him, and now you
are doing the same thing with another man when you are still married to the
first husband! 

We have explained the
ruling on correspondence between the sexes in the answer to question no.
34841,
26890 and
23349. 

With regard to haraam
relationships, please see the answer to questions no.
1114,
9465,
21933 and
10532. 

2.

It seems that your job
involves mixing with strange men. If what we think is correct, then it is a
sin. If it is not mixed, or it is not in a haraam field such as banking or
insurance – then there is no sin on you. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: 

There is no doubt that
enabling women to mix with men is the basis of all calamities and evils, and
it is one of the greatest causes of calamity that affects everybody, as well
as being one of the causes of corruption in public and private affairs.
Mixing of men with women is the cause of a great deal of immoral actions and
zina, and it is one of the causes of widespread death and ongoing plagues.  

Al-Turuq al-Hukmiyyah
(p. 407). 

See also the answer to
question no. 1200. 

For information on women
working and the conditions of it being permissible, please see the answer to
question no. 22397.  

In the answer to question
no. 6666 there is important advice
to do with women working in a mixed environment. 

3.

You left the marital home
without your husband’s permission, and this was based on something that you
heard from his mother and his complaints to her. This does not make it
permissible for you to leave the marital home without your husband’s
permission. You have the right to a separate home with your husband, but it
seems that you waived this right when you first married him and agreed to
stay with him in his mother’s house. It would have been better for you to
work out the agreement with him when you agreed to help him to bear his
living expenses and pay off his debt, and to oblige him to do so via the
shar’i court or good and knowledgeable people whom you appointed as
arbitrators between you. As for your actions and your leaving without his
permission, this is not permissible. Allaah forbade women who are revocably
divorced (first or second talaaq) to leave their houses after the divorce,
so how about married women? Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“O Prophet (صلى
الله عليه وسلم)! When you divorce women, divorce them at their ‘Iddah
(prescribed periods) and count (accurately) their ‘Iddah (periods). And fear
Allaah your Lord (O Muslims). And turn them not out of their (husband’s)
homes nor shall they (themselves) leave, except in case they are guilty of
some open illegal sexual intercourse. And those are the set limits of
Allaah. And whosoever transgresses the set limits of Allaah, then indeed he
has wronged himself. You (the one who divorces his wife) know not it may be
that Allaah will afterward bring some new thing to pass (i.e. to return her
back to you if that was the first or second divorce)”

[al-Talaaq 65:1] 

4.

The worst and most
reprehensible of these actions that go against sharee’ah is your sinful
relationship with that evildoer who pretended that he was saving you from
worldly problems and presented himself in the guise of a wise advisor, but
in fact he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. 

How could this evildoer
agree to meet you and talk with you, and sit with you and discuss with you,
and worst of all, he audaciously asked you to marry him when you were still
married to another man?! What is very strange is that you yourself say that
your husband himself was presenting himself falsely as a good man, and that
you were blind when you accepted him as a husband. Do you think that now you
are able to see? By Allaah, you are not able to see, and your blindness with
regard to your first husband was less serious than your blindness now. You
were not married when you formed a relationship with him, but now you are
married and you have formed a haraam relationship with that evildoer, who is
not content only to come between you and your husband, turn your heart
against him and make you hate the idea of going back to him, rather he has
added to that his request for you to marry him when you are still married to
another man. 

What you have done is
haraam, beyond any shadow of a doubt. It is revolting and reprehensible even
to non-Muslims. No husband would want his wife to be in the situation you
are in. No wise person – let alone a Muslim who knows the rulings of
sharee’ah – would approve of your marrying this evildoer who has shown his
true colours and evil attitude before marriage. That will save you from
going though another bitter experience with him. Do you think that he will
forget how you betrayed your husband with him? Do you think that he will
trust you not to repeat what you did with him? Do not hesitate to cut off
all ties with him, for it is a haraam relationship on the one hand, and on
the other hand he is not fit to be a trusted husband when he has done such
haraam, abhorrent actions. 

For information on the
qualities of a righteous husband, please see the answers to questions no.
5202 and
6942. 

Thirdly: 

We hope that your regret
and taking stock of yourself are a good sign that you have come back to the
truth and that your conscience which criticizes you for abhorrent actions
and for falling short in acts of obedience to Allaah has come back to life.

Beware of following the
footsteps of the shaytaan, for they lead to doom. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“O you who believe!
Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the
footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al‑Fahsha’ [i.e. to
commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al‑Munkar [disbelief and
polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is
forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His
Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins”

[al-Noor 24:21]. 

Do not ignore the
opportunity to regret and repent before there comes a Day when neither
dirhams nor dinars, neither close friends nor intercessors will benefit a
man, and he will bite at his hands in anguish, as Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And (remember) the Day
when the Zaalim (wrongdoer, oppressor, polytheist) will bite at his hands,
he will say: ‘Oh! Would that I had taken a path with the Messenger (Muhammad
صلى الله عليه وسلم).

28. ‘Ah! Woe to me!
Would that I had never taken so‑and‑so as a Khalîl (an intimate friend)!

29. ‘He indeed led me
astray from the Reminder (this Qur’aan) after it had come to me. And
Shaytaan (Satan) is to man ever a deserter in the hour of need’”

[al-Furqaan 25:27-29]. 

In order to cleanse
yourself of sin and protect your religious commitment, faith and chastity,
strive to do the following: 

1.

Pray regularly on time with
proper focus and humility before Allaah: 

It was narrated from Abu
Hurayrah that he heard the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) say: “What do you think, if there was a river by the
door of one of you and he bathed in it five times a day, would any speck of
dirt be left on him?” They said: Not a speck of dirt would be left on him.
He said: “That is the likeness of the five prayers, by means of which Allaah
erases sins.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(505) and Muslim (667). 

2.

Keeping company with
righteous women who adhere to obedience to Allaah. 

It was narrated that Abu
Moosa al-Ash’ari (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The likeness
of a good companion and a bad companion is that of one who carries musk and
one who works the bellows. With the carrier of musk, either he will give you
some or you will buy some from him, or you will notice a good smell from
him; as for the one who works the bellows, either he will burn your clothes
or you will notice a bad smell from him.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari
(1995) and Muslim (2628). 

Imam al-Nawawi (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said: It points to the virtue of sitting with righteous,
good and honourable people, people of good attitude, awareness, knowledge
and manners, and indicates that it is not allowed to sit with evil people
and followers of innovation, those who backbite about people or who are
foul-mouthed and have nothing better to do, and other blameworthy things.
End quote. 

Sharh Muslim,
16/178  

3.

Not listening to songs,
music and haraam entertainment. 

Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):

“And of mankind is he
who purchases idle talks (i.e. music, singing) to mislead (men) from the
path of Allaah without knowledge, and takes it (the path of Allaah, or the
Verses of the Qur’aan) by way of mockery. For such there will be a
humiliating torment (in the Hell‑fire).

7. And when Our Verses
(of the Qur’aan) are recited to such a one, he turns away in pride, as if he
heard them not — as if there were deafness in his ear. So announce to him a
painful torment”

[Luqmaan 31:6-7] 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah
have mercy on him) said:  

Singers and those who
listen to them have a share of blame commensurate with the degree to which
they are distracted by songs from the Qur’aan. … This is made clear by the
fact that you will not find anyone who has an interest in songs and
listening to music but he will be somewhat misguided from the path of
guidance in terms of knowledge or action, and he is less eager to listen to
Qur’aan rather than songs, such that if he has the opportunity to listen
either to songs or to the Qur’aan, he will turn away from the latter to the
former, and listening to Qur’aan will be burdensome for him, and he may go
so far as to tell the reciter to be quiet and tell the singer to carry on,
and never have his fill of listening to songs.  

Ighaathat al-Lahfaan
(1/240, 241). 

Finally: 

Shaykh Saalih al-Fawzaan
(may Allaah preserve him) said: 

The Muslim must repent from
sin and hasten to do so, in obedience to the command of Allaah, so as to
save himself from the punishment and wrath of Allaah. It is not permissible
for him to continue in sin or to delay repentance in order to obey his nafs
(self) or the shaytaan, or to wait until people criticize him. Rather he
must fear Allaah and not fear people. Even if they are committing sin it is
not permissible for him to follow their example, and he must also oblige his
family to repent, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):  

“O you who believe! Ward
off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and
stones”

[al-Tahreem 66:6]. 

He should not be kind to
them with regard to matters that anger Allaah. 

Al-Muntaqa min Fataawa
al-Fawzaan (2/p. 293). 

And Allaah knows best.

 

Her husband forces her to tell him everything that she hears from her family and other people!

 

My husband forces me to tell him the whole dialogue I had with my mother or brothers or anyone else. He justifies this by saying that my mother may say something that can spoil our relationship. It causes problems between us if I refuse to tell him. Shall I respond to his request?.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

1-

What this husband should do – if what his wife is saying
about him is true – is fear his Lord with regard to this demand that he is
making of his wife, and he should realize that he is sinning by doing this,
and that it is not permissible for his wife to obey him in this matter. 

2-

We advise this husband to focus on himself rather than other
people, and to look at his own faults and correct them, and to look at his
own shortcomings and strive to perfect his own self that is inclined towards
evil. That is better for him and is more appropriate than focusing on other
people and what they say and do. Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: The greatest loser is the one who is distracted from Allaah by
himself, and even worse off is the one who is distracted from himself by
other people. Al-Fawaa’id (p. 58). 

3-

He should not think badly of people and believe that he is
perfect, because not everything that people say concerns him or has to do
with him, rather it is his desire to hear people’s stories and find out
about their situations, and to rejoice at their shortcomings. 

4-

It is to be hoped that this husband does not approve of his
wife telling him what her family and other people say to her, even if they
are talking about him, because by doing that she would be a gossipmonger and
one of the salaf said: A gossipmonger and a liar could cause more damage in
an hour than a practitioner of witchcraft could do in a year. So how about
if he is the one who tells her to do that, and even orders her to do so, and
threatens to punish her if she does not do it?! 

al-Nawawi said, quoting from Abu Haamid al-Ghazaali (may
Allaah have mercy on them both): 

The one to whom gossip comes, saying So and so said this
about you, or did that to you, should do six things: 

1-   
He should not believe it,
because the one who gossips is an evildoer.

2-   
He should tell him not to do
that, and advise him, and condemn his action.

3-   
He should hate him for the sake
of Allaah, for he is hateful before Allaah, may He be exalted, and he should
hate the one whom Allaah hates.

4-   
He should not think ill of his
absent brother.

5-   
He should not let what he is
told lead him to spy on others or try to find out about it.

6-   
He should not approve for
himself what he told the gossipmonger not to do, so he should not transmit
the gossip and say “So and so said such and such”, in which case he would
also be a gossipmonger and would be doing that which he told someone else
not to do. End quote. 

Al-Adhkaar (275). 

5-

What this husband wants from his wife is nameemah (gossip)
which is a major sin. Undoubtedly passing on such gossip will lead to evil
consequences, severing of ties, resentment and enmity, and undoubtedly the
wife’s family would hate for their words to be passed on. He should
understand that gossip is not merely passing on what people say for the
purpose of causing trouble, rather it may be for the purpose of enjoyment. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said: 

What should be avoided and shunned totally is gossip which
means transmitting words from one person to another, or from one group to
another, or from one tribe to another, with the aim of causing trouble and
creating problems between them. It means disclosing that which should not be
disclosed, whether it is disliked by the one from whom it is transmitted or
the one to whom it is transmitted or a third party, and whether it is
disclosed verbally, in writing, in symbols or by gestures, and whether what
is transmitted is words or actions, and whether it refers to a fault or
shortcoming in the person from whom it is transmitted or not. A person
should keep quiet about whatever he sees of people’s situations, unless
speaking of it will bring some benefit to a Muslim or ward off some harm. 

The motive in spreading gossip is either ill will towards the
person of whom one speaks or to show love to the person to whom one speaks,
or to indulge in unnecessary talk and falsehood. All of that is
haraam.                                                                                    

There is a great deal of evidence in the Qur’aan and Sunnah
to show that gossip is haraam, such as the verses in which Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“And (O Muhammad صلى الله
عليه وسلم) obey you not everyone Hallaaf Maheen (the one who swears
much and is a liar or is worthless).

11. A slanderer, going about with calumnies”

[al-Qalam 68:10,11] 

“Woe to every slanderer and backbiter”

[al-Humazah 104:1] 

It was narrated that Hudhayfah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “No gossipmonger will enter Paradise” (Agreed upon). And it
was narrated from Ibn Mas’ood (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the
Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Shall I not
tell you what is falsehood? It is nameemah (gossip), transmitting what
people say.” Narrated by Muslim.  

Gossip is one of the things that incur the punishment in the
grave, because of the report narrated by Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased
with him), according to which the Messenger of Allaah (peace and
blessings of Allaah be upon him) passed by two graves and said:
“They are being punished, but they
are not being punished for anything that was difficult to avoid.” Then he
said, “No. One of them used not to protect himself from his urine, and the
other used to walk around spreading malicious gossip.”

Agreed upon. 

Rather backbiting and gossip are forbidden because they
involve attempts to cause trouble among people and create splits and chaos,
and fan the flames of enmity, rancour, destructive envy and hypocrisy, and
to take away love and friendship, by causing rifts and disputes and
resentment among brethren. It also involves lying, deceit, betrayal and
trickery, and making accusations against those who are innocent, and giving
in to slander and reviling and mentioning bad deeds and qualities, and
because they are a sign of cowardice, meanness and weakness; moreover those
who indulge in them commit sins which incur the wrath of Allaah and a
painful punishment. 

Fataawa al-Shaykh Ibn Baaz
(3/237-239). 

It was said that al-‘adhu (translated above a falsehood)
means witchcraft in the language of Quraysh, and it was said that it means
lies and fabrications. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Jibreen (may Allaah preserve him)
was asked: 

My husband tells his family what I say, then he tells me what
they say, and that leads to many problems. I have often asked him not to do
that but he does not pay any heed. What should I do? 

He replied: 

This is called nameemah (malicious gossip), which means
transmitting what people say by way of stirring up trouble. As for the
warning, Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“ A slanderer, going about with calumnies”

[al-Qalam 68:10,11]. This is a
description of some of the people of Hell. And Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning): “Woe to every slanderer and backbiter”[al-Humazah 104:1].
This refers to the gossipmonger. The Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “No gossipmonger will enter Paradise.” And
according to a report: A gossipmonger could cause more damage in an hour
than a practitioner of witchcraft could do in a year. And the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stated that “The gossipmonger
will be punished in his grave.” Undoubtedly the prohibition is more emphatic
if the gossip is among a man and his wife and relatives. He has to fear
Allaah and remember that He is always watching him, and he should keep away
from things that will incur punishment in this world or the next. He has to
avoid lying, backbiting, gossip, slander and stirring up trouble among
people. He should be honest, protect people’s honour, fear Allaah and
remember that He is always watching, and that He is stern in punishment. End
quote. 

Al-Hulool al-Shar’iyyah li’l-Khilaafaat wa’l-Mushkilaat
al-Zawjiyyah wa’l-Usariyyah byShaykh ‘Abd-Allaah
ibn Jibreem (fatwa no. 42). 

So the husband must stop asking his wife to do this, and if
he persists then it is not permissible for his wife to respond to his
request. By agreeing to transmit what people say, one is persisting in sin
and listening to it, but by refusing one is refraining from it and putting a
stop to it. 

If the wife is afraid that it will lead to troubles between
her and her husband, there is no sin on her, if her husband insists that she
should tell him what her family says, if she tells him that they praised him
and said good things about him, and other such words that will spread love
and friendly feelings, and will extinguish the flames of fitnah and disputes
between her husband and her family. 

We ask Allaah to guide your husband and bring you together in
a good manner. 

And Allaah knows best.

He is hesitant to marry this girl because of her lack of religious commitment

 

I am a 27 years old man and I have a very strong desire to get married. This made me think of marrying any woman regardless how she looks like as long as she is religious. My cousin is very religious. She offered me to marry her daughter who is 15 years old but not as religious as I was hoping for. She prays on time, and she wore niqab after I engaged her because I asked for this. But she watches TV and she puts musical tones on her mobile phone.  


They day of proposal she said to me that she does not like religious people. I talked to her about this and her view started to change. Four months after our engagement she called me and said that she told her mother that she does not love me because when I visit them I sit with her family and not with her because she still is a non-mahram to me.  


She asked me if I can compensate for her not going to university; as we will marry in 3 year’s time, after secondary school and before university. I said to her: “I do not understand what you mean”, she said: “my friends and I want to go to university, know boys and love them and live the stage of university to its full. I do not think of getting married before this” I dealt with the situation considering her young and does not know what she is saying. She wants to imitate her friends because of they watch day and night love stories on TV. I tried to convince her that I can compensate.  


I am very afraid of what she is saying, I am very confused, I am writing this after two hours of my last phone call with her.  


Her mother and father and all her family want me to be their daughter’s husband. I was inclined to her initially. But now I fear she is not the religious woman I lived my life dreaming of marrying her. But at the same time I say to myself: “do not think bad of her, she still is young and she does not know what she says actually means” 


I wish you advise me to protect my deen, knowing that my financial circumstances are very weak now, none will accept me as a husband, they accepted me because they are my family and they know me well.

Praise be to Allaah.

There is a grave error that is committed by many of those who
want to get married and who are looking for life partners, both men and
women, which often leads their plans to failure, because both parties fall
victim to stress and grief, and society bears a new burden as the result of
divorce and its consequences. 

The reason for this mistake is fanstasy, whereby one of the
couple wishes that his or her partner would change in the future to become
their dream partner which they always imagined when they were younger, and
that every shortcoming is going to be replaced with perfection. 

These people try to ignore the present and look to an unknown
future, shunning reality and hoping to avoid confronting it. They forget
that what is required of everyone who gets married – if they want it to
succeed – is to be realistic in their conditions and choices, and realistic
in accepting or rejecting; they should not base it on illusions or
fantasies. Rather they should see the present as it is and base their
decisions on that foundation, so that they may bear direct responsibility
after that. 

The reality of this girl indicates that she is not
religiously committed, and she is not suited to you. Your Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised you to marry the one who
is religiously committed, and this is what you should do. Your claim that
her family have accepted you will not benefit you, because you are going to
live with the girl, not her family, and all they can do for you is to ask
you to be patient with her, regardless of how she treats you.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“Women may be married for
four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious
commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be
rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5090;
Muslim, 1466. 

Al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
What this means is that a man who is religiously
committed and of noble character should make religion his focus in all
things, especially with regard to long-term matters. So the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined finding a wife who is
religiously committed, which is the ultimate goal.   

Fath al-Baari (9/135) 

Al-San’aani (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

This hadeeth indicates that keeping company with
religiously-committed people in all things should be the priority, because
by keeping company with them one may benefit from their good attitude,
blessing and ways, especially one's wife, because she is the first one whose
religious commitment should be considered, because she is to be his close
companion, the mother of his children, the one with whom he trusts his house
and his wealth and herself. 

Subul al-Salaam (1/146). 

Secondly: 

We advise you to seek the help of your Creator, may He be
exalted, to get married. Do not think that marrying this girl will never
cost you a great deal, because it seems that she would make many demands
even if that leads to your being poor. Do not worry if you forget about
marrying her and marry someone else, because Allaah has promised to help the
one who wants to get married in order to preserve his chastity. 

It was narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “There are three who are all entitled to Allaah’s help: the
one who fights for the sake of Allaah; the mukaatab who wants to pay (the
price of his freedom); and the one who gets married seeking chastity.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1655), al-Nasaa’i (3218) and Ibn Majaah (2518);
classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

Al-Mubaarakfoori (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“the one who gets married seeking chastity” means chastity
from zina. Al-Teebi said: The reason why he said that was because these are
difficult matters that may weigh heavily upon a person and break his back,
and unless Allaah helps him he will not be able to do them. The most
difficult of them is remaining chaste, because that means suppressing the
desire that is created in him and because it is an animalistic desire that
may pull be down to the lowest level, but if he remains chaste by the help
of Allaah, he will attain the status of the angels and the highest part of
‘Illiyeen. 

Tuhfat al-Ahwadhi (5/242). 

To sum up: 

As this girl is now, she is not suitable for you to marry
her. If she resolves to change for the better and tries hard to achieve
that, then marry her, but if she insists on carrying on as she is, and is
not sincere about changing, then leave her and look for someone else. We ask
Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her husband no longer treats her well because she had a relationship with another man

 

My problem in brief is that I knew a man through a forum then messenger then mobile. My husband found out about this relationship and was very angry. He said to me: “You would be divorced if we do not have children, but I will be patient and will marry another woman.” 


I knew my mistake and I have repented and started over new page. I seek Allah’s forgiveness and thank Him all the time. But my husband keeps insulting me all the time until I hated him, but I have to be patient, I tried to love him and obey him in matters I was not obeying him about before. I am tired of his demands but I do not say any word objecting to this. He keeps insulting and slandering me, he does not stop reminding me of the previous relationship with the other man. Few months later, that man started calling me and sending text messages again. I feared my husband’s reaction; as he asks me to answer in front of him if any strange number rings. If I refuse he says to me: “answer, it may be that man” and if I answer and find it wrong number he says: “It must be a code between you”. 


What shall I do? I became in constant fear of my mobile, I hide it all the time, and I fear it rings while my husband is around; because he would doubt me. 


What shall I do with that man? I am bored of my life, I wish I die. All I can do is recite Quraan.

Praise be to Allaah.

Desire continues to grow in the heart of the son of Adam
until it destroys him, and no one is deprived of contentment but he will
find himself lost in the valleys of confusion and depression, turning right
and left in the hope of finding that which he wishes and longs for to give
him satisfaction, but nothing will fill the heart of the son of Adam but
dust, and Allaah accepts the repentance of those who repent. 

The worst of desire is that which leads to transgression
against the sanctity and honour of others, such as desire for the wives of
other Muslims which leads to transgression against their honour, or when
women desire young Muslim men and a woman is not content with the husband
with whom Allaah has blessed her. The Muslims all know that pleasure cannot
be attained by disobeying Allaah, may He be exalted, and that happiness can
only be attained by obeying and heeding the sacred limits of Allaah. 

Sin was the cause that led to the downfall of previous
nations. Do you think that it can be the cause of a person’s happiness? Sin
is also the path that leads to punishment, so do you want it to being
blessings? 

Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, says (interpretation
of the meaning): 

“And whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of
what your hands have earned. And He pardons much”

[al-Shoora 42:30] 

It may be easy to fall into error, because the nafs is
inclined towards sin in pursuit of pleasure and whims and desires. But it is
difficult to bear the consequences and effects of those mistakes. 

Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

Patience in resisting desires is easier than patience in
dealing with the consequences that result from going along with desires,
because it either leads to pain and punishment or it prevents a more
complete pleasure, or it wastes time and leads to loss and regret, or it is
a violation of honour which one is better off not violating, or it is a loss
of wealth, keeping which is better than losing it, or it leads to a loss of
status and position, keeping which is better than losing it, or it deprives
one of a blessing, having which is more pleasurable and better than
fulfilling desires, or it gives an ignoble person cause to insult you when
he did not have this opportunity before, or it brings distress, sadness and
fear that cannot be matched by the pleasure of desire, or causes one to
forget knowledge, remembering which is better than fulfilling desires, or it
makes an enemy rejoice and makes a friend sad, or it cuts off an oncoming
blessing, or it has a negative impact on one’s character that will remain,
because deeds have a great impact on one’s character and behaviour. End
quote.  

Al-Fawaa’id (p. 139) 

And now the problem that you are facing today is no more than
the result of your accumulated mistakes and the sins that you took lightly,
then you did not repent properly from them. 

As for your talking to that young man, it is one of the worst
things that could be done by a woman whom Allaah has blessed with a husband,
home and children. It is sufficient for her to look at the misery endured by
many others who are deprived of happy homes and a life of ease. 

Your husband has taken care of rebuking and blaming you. He
tells you every day words that would make mountains tremble – as you
describe it. The point here is that you should understand in the depths of
your heart the seriousness of the error you have made. 

As for what you say about your not fulfilling his desires and
needs before that, this is another sin which has had a big impact in
changing the situation of your family and bringing about this pain and
suffering. 

Did you not know that obedience to the husband is obligatory
and that serving him and responding to his call and fulfilling his needs is
one of the best things that a wife can do, both before Allaah and before
other people?  It was narrated that Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri (may Allaah have
mercy on him) said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) and said: O Messenger of Allaah, this daughter of mine
refuses to get married. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said to her: “Obey your father.” She said: By the One Who sent you
with the truth, I will not get married until you tell me what the husband’s
rights over his wife are. He said: “The husband’s rights over his wife are
such that if he had an ulcer and she licked it, she would not have fulfilled
his rights.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i in al-Sunan al-Kubra (2/283).
Al-Mundhiri said in al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (3/98): Its isnaad is
jayyid. It was classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’
(3148). 

We will tell you frankly: The remedy begins with this idea: 

It starts with obeying and pleasing Allaah, may He be
glorified, because calamities start with disobedience towards Him. Allaah
has promised the penitent that He will turn his bad deeds into good ones,
and He has promised to bestow grace and reward. 

Repentance starts by resolving to give up the sin that one
has committed, and to cut off all haraam ties. In your case it starts with
cancelling the mobile phone altogether, and not going back to it until your
husband agrees to buy you a new number. If you do this then you will have
proven to your husband and to yourself that you are sincere in your
repentance and your desire to mend your ways. 

How can you want your husband to overlook the past when you
yourself have not overlooked it and are going back to it?! 

Your husband has done you a great favour by giving you
another chance to live with him. Perhaps the real reason for that is that he
loves you, otherwise the logical sequence of events would have been for this
story to lead to scandal, separation and divorce. But Allaah has blessed you
and been kind to you, by concealing you and giving you a house and a family,
so you must show kindness to your husband in return, and observe the limits
of Allaah concerning him, and cut off all ties and all means of getting back
in touch with this man who has transgressed against you. But what you did
was to repeat the mistake and persist in sin and take the matter of
repentance lightly. 

Do you expect that after that you will helped to change for
the better? 

How can you allow yourself to listen again to the voice of
that young man and receive messages from him again? How can you go back to
burdening your husband with the stress of waswaas that affects every man who
sees something suspicious on his wife’s part? How can you expect him to
trust you again when you have not shown yourself to be trustworthy? We
affirm to you that continuing in this manner will lead to a greater loss
than that which you are facing now. Think about your situation if your
husband tells your family about what you are doing. Undoubtedly the stress
you will face will be worse than what you are facing now.  We urge you to
mend your ways as it is essential. You have already made a good start, but
you have a long way to go. We advise you to fear Allaah and be keen to take
care of your house, husband and family. Do not pay attention to anything but
seeking the pleasure of Allaah; let that be your concern. Be steadfast and
do not despair. Keep trying and do not stop treating your husband kindly and
obeying him in that which is good and proper. Do not be put off by your
husband’s bad treatment. If you are sincere towards Allaah in adhering to
His laws, He will set things straight for you with your husband, even if it
is after a while; He will restore the happiness you seek and will ward off
all temptation and misery from you. What does anyone want in life but a
quiet life in good health as a true slave of Allaah? If Allaah blessed a
person with any of that, let him strive to protect the blessing by giving
thanks for it and fearing Allaah with regard to it. Contentment is a
treasure that never fades away. 

We ask Allaah for guidance, help and happiness. 

And Allaah knows best.

He fears for the future

 

I have faced this problems a couple month ago. I was sick actually, I went to see a doctor but they said I was in a good health. I do not know how to explain. But shukran, I am better now.


I think of death everyday every minutes, this really scared me eventhough I pray to Allah, I think of an accident and how they died, and we do not know our future that is what I think of my self and my family. I pray to Allah to live in piece in this world and to think of HIM every hour.


I have a head-ache after that, I can't work as before. I feel that I am in a different world.


Sometimes I ask myself why some of the people died with such tragic. Are they bad or what?


Hope your answer will help me feel better and live happily with my family.

Praise be to Allaah.
 

 

My dear brother, how often we fail to look at
things with a balanced view. How often we find problems in our daily lives that stem from the extremes of either concern or negligence. The one
who seeks happiness and success in this world has to have a balanced approach without letting the one outweigh the other. In this manner he can
strengthen his heart with faith and find peace of mind in doing that which he is required to do. What you are complaining of does not stem from
ignorance of the root of the matter, rather it stems from the fact that you are focusing more on fear and the causes of fear and you are
forgetting about being optimistic and not paying any attention to it. 

You know that death is an inevitable reality
that will come to every living thing, and no one will be spared that, no matter how noble his status before Allaah. Allaah said to His Prophet,
the noblest of all creation (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, you (O Muhammad) will die, and
verily, they (too) will die”

[al-Zumar 39:30] 

And Allaah says (interpretation of the
meaning): 

“Everyone shall taste death. And only on
the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is
successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing)”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:185] 

And the poet said: 

Every son of a female, no matter how long he
lives,

Will one day be carried on the bier. 

The positive kind of fear of death is that
which make a person check himself and watch himself, and bring himself to task for bad deeds. This fear is that which makes a man keep away from
sin and persist in praying for forgiveness and repenting. As for the kind of fear that makes a person panic, expect the worst and feel helpless,
and discourages him from taking any action and prevents him from doing his duties, this is a negative and blameworthy kind of fear. The one who
feels this has to strive hard to rid himself of it and put a stop to it. Perhaps this is what the questioner is feeling, and he thinks that this
waswasah (whisper from the Shaytaan) is a warning of danger and a sign that the end is near. But this is not the case. All it is, is a whisper
from the accursed Shaytaan, to cause distress to the believer and to make his life a misery, and there is nothing real behind it. This is why,
when you went to the hospital for tests, they showed that you are in good health, which should make you feel better and give you peace of mind.
Perhaps we can help you by telling you how to get rid of this waswasah (whisper from the Shaytaan), in the following ways: 

1 – Firmly implanting in your heart the
belief that whatever Allaah wills happens, and whatever He does not will does not happen. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And you cannot will unless (it be) that Allaah wills the Lord of the ‘Aalameen (mankind, jinn and all that exists)”

[al-Takweer 81:29] 

Death is nothing but the decree of Allaah
which the son of Adam has no way of warding off or avoiding. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Say (O Muhammad ): ‘I have no power over any harm or profit to myself except what Allaah may
will. For every Ummah, there is a term appointed; when their term comes, neither can they delay it nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment)’”

[Yoonus 10:49] 

“Wheresoever you may be, death will overtake you even if you are in fortresses built up strong
and high”

[al-Nisa’ 4:78] 

As this is the case, then fear of death will
not delay it or bring it forward, all you will get from your fear of death is misery and worries. Your appointed time will never come until Allaah
wills it, at the time that is known to Him, and you can never bring it forward, whether you fear death or not, whether you think about how your
end will be or not. This is contrary to the life of peace, stability and tranquility that Allaah wants for the believers. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Whoever works righteousness — whether
male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect,
contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in
the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97] 

2 – Remembering the kindness and mercy of Allaah towards His believing slaves, for He is
Loving, Compassionate and Forgiving, the One Whose mercy prevails over His wrath, Who blesses the sinner with abundant forgiveness. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Why should Allaah punish you if you have
thanked (Him) and have believed in Him. And Allaah is Ever All‑Appreciative (of good), All‑Knowing”

[al-Nisa’ 4:147] 

The believer is promised Paradise when he dies. There is nothing standing between him and
Paradise but death. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no person who bears witness that there is no god
but Allaah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger, but Allaah will forbid him to the Fire.” (Narrated by Muslim, 47). 

3 – Always putting your trust in Allaah in
all your affairs, and knowing that this trust (tawakkul) will ward off the whispers of the Shaytaan and put an end to them. Once you have resolved
to do that, then do not look back. If you feel that these whispers are overwhelming you again, then turn to Allaah and seek refuge in Him. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And if an evil whisper comes to you from
Shaytaan (Satan), then seek refuge with Allaah. Verily, He is All-Hearer, All-Knower”

[al-A’raaf 7:200] 

4 – Lift your head high and look forward;
start your daily life with steadfastness and certainty, and approach all your actions with energy and peace of mind. How many good things there
are in this world that fill hearts with contentment and tranquility and fill the heart with hope and certain faith. 

With regard to your question, what is going
to happen to you and your family in the future, 

Subhaan-Allaah (glory be to Allaah)! 

Are you the one who created them? Are you the
one who grants them provision? Are you the one who is taking care of their needs? 

No, it is Allaah Who does all that, Who is
more merciful towards them than you are. Have complete trust that Allaah will never cause them to be lost, may He be glorified and praised. This
matter is not up to you at all. If all the people thought in this way no one would have any peace of mind. But praise be to Allaah Who has
guaranteed provision for everyone. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And no moving (living) creature is there
on earth but its provision is due from Allaah. And He knows its dwelling place and its deposit (in the uterus or grave). All is in a Clear Book
(Al‑Lawh Al‑Mahfooz — the Book of Decrees with Allaah)”

[Hood 11:6] 

So cast these thoughts away from your mind. 

5 – You should make a lot of du’aa’ asking
Allaah to dispel this waswaas (whispers from the Shaytaan) from you. Pray to Him with all humbleness, expressing your weakness and need of Him.
And rest assured that He will certainly answer you. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And when My slaves ask you (O Muhammad)
concerning Me, then (answer them), I am indeed near (to them by My Knowledge). I respond to the invocations of the supplicant when he calls on Me
(without any mediator or intercessor). So let them obey Me and believe in Me, so that they may be led aright”

[al-Baqarah 2:186] 

With regard to those who die as a result of
accidents, the fact that they die in this manner does not mean that they are bad at all. Rather people who are counted among the righteous may die
in this manner. Think about this hadeeth which will help you to resolve this matter. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah
be upon him) said: “The martyrs are five: those who are stabbed, those who die of a stomach disease, those who drown, those who are crushed by
falling walls, and those who die in battle for the sake of Allaah.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 615). 

Look at those who die by drowning, or by
fire, or who are crushed by falling walls. Are these not frightening things? But that does not indicate that they are bad, rather the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) called them martyrs (shuhada’), which is the utmost honour. The way in which a person dies
does not indicate that he is bad, but Allaah in His wisdom decrees that some people should die in this manner. Perhaps that is in order to raise
them in status in Paradise, or to expiate for some of their sins, or for some other reason that we do not know. 

We ask Allaah to guide you to good deeds and positive thinking.

 

Her sister mistreated her – should she forsake her?

 

I am a 19-year-old girl. I have lost my father and my mother, and have become very withdrawn and introverted. Everyone tells me that I have changed a lot. I always sit in my room and not with my sisters. I have a sister at home who is one year older than me, but I do not talk to her for many reasons, which only shyness prevents me from mentioning… She has hurt me a great deal with her words, and I cannot stand it, so I have cut off my relationship with her even though we live in the same house. This has gone on for months. We do not eat together or meet at any other time, each of us lives alone … 


My question is: is my not speaking to her a kind of cutting off the ties of kinship, and is there any sin on me for that? Note that I felt at peace after that, and that was all I wanted?


 We have a kaafir female servant, and if I ask her for something she throws it at me in a very rude manner. She only does this with me. If I tell her off and rebuke her, is there any sin on me for that? 


What is Witr prayer – how many rak’ahs is it and how and when is it to be done? 


How many rak’ahs are there in Taraaweeh prayer? Is it permissible to hold the Mus-haf whilst praying, or a notebook containing du’aa’s?

Praise be to Allaah, and blessings and peace be upon the
Messenger of Allaah. 

 

We ask Allaah to compensate you with the best of that with
which He compensates His slaves who are patient, and to expand your heart,
and to make things easier for you, and to improve your relationship with
your family, for He is All-Hearing, Ever-Near. 

With regard to your forsaking your sister, if that is because
she is doing something that goes against sharee’ah, and your forsaking her
will achieve some purpose for you, by keeping you safe from her evil and
harm, or it will achieve some purpose for her, by influencing her and making
her give up her sin, then there is nothing wrong with it. 

But if it is for some personal reasons, or for some
difference of opinion over some worldly matters, such as some family
problems, then it is not permissible to forsake her or cut off ties with
her. If you greet her with salaams, then you are no longer regarded as
having forsaken her. That does not necessarily mean that you have to spend a
lot of time with her or talk to her a lot, especially if such contact will
not serve any purpose for you or for her. 

We advise you to try to get to know some good and righteous
women by attending gatherings of good women, such as classes to memorize
Qur’aan and the like, so that they can be a good help to you in doing good,
and a means of warding off this introversion of which you complain, and so
that you may benefit from their knowledge and activities. 

We also advise you to try to benefit from your free time by
listening to useful tapes and reading useful books which will increase you
in faith and knowledge. 

With regard to the servant who is falling short in her work
and mistreating you, there is nothing wrong with you rebuking her and
disciplining her in a manner appropriate to her misbehaviour and in a manner
that will improve her, without transgressing the limits or harming her. 

With regard to the rulings on Witr and Taraaweeh prayers, you
will find the answers to your questions in the Seasonal Topics section of
this website, under the heading “Night Prayer during Ramadaan.” 

If you want more information, please see look under the
category: Fiqh (jurisprudence and Islamic rulings) > Ibaadaat (acts of
worship) > Salaah (prayer) – Salaat al-Naafilah (Supererogatory prayer) >
Qiyaam al-Layl (prayers at night), in the subcategories tree. 

Under Question no. 1255 you will
find an answer concerning carrying the Mus-haf during night prayers. 

With regard to carrying a book of du’aa’s whilst praying
Taraaweeh, there is nothing wrong with that, but it is better to try to
memorize some of the du’aa’s and recite them during your prayer. This is
more conducive to thinking of the meaning of the du’aa’ and not moving too
much whilst praying. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good and to
keep you away from evil and its people… Ameen. Praise be to Allaah, the Lord
of the Worlds.

Do not panic if du’aa’s are not answered

 

I would like to ask you a question and I hope that you will take the time to answer me. I am an ordinary Muslim; I do not have great faith or weak faith. I do the obligatory duties with some shortcomings – and I hope that Allaah will forgive me – and I do some of the Sunnahs. I believe in the divine will and decree, both good and bad. About seven years ago I suffered great distress because of a calamity – which I will not trouble you with – but I will tell you honestly that initially I panicked, and I was filled with despair, but after approximately one year Allaah guided me, and good people taught me that there was something good in it, by Allaah’s leave. They told me that the calamity was either because of a sin that I had committed or it was a test from Allaah, and they advised me to call upon Allaah (du’aa’) and ask for forgiveness, and to ask of Allaah from his bounty, and to seek to draw closer to Him by means of His beautiful names and sublime attributes, and to do a lot of good deeds, and that by Allaah’s leave my request would never be rejected, and that Allaah would answer my prayers. I did all of that, although I do not say that I did it perfectly, but I did the best I could. I said a lot of du’aa’ and did a lot of good deeds, and I repented to Allaah sincerely from all my sins, and I asked Allaah to relieve my distress and take away my worry. I prayed to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah) before doing some things in my life so that my affairs would be set straight, but after doing all these things, my worry and distress only increased, and the calamities and grief grew worse. All the things about which I prayed istikhaarah failed, and brought me trouble. All doors were closed in my face. Allaah forbid that I should complain about Allaah to you, rather I complain about my sorrow and grief to Allaah. But I want to know why Allaah did not answer me? And why did I not succeed in any of my worldly affairs, even though I took the necessary means and put my trust in Allaah, and I did not do anything without praying istikhaarah beforehand, and Allaah helps the kaafir in his worldly affairs if he takes the necessary means. I do not eat haraam things and I do not intend to do bad things to anyone and I pray for everyone to be guided. I heard one of the Shaykhs telling the story of Pharaoh and he said that Allaah said to Moosa: “By My Might and Majesty, if he had asked Me to save him I would have saved him.” Some questions began to form in my mind: Am I more insignificant before Allaah that Pharaoh, even though I have not committed the sins that he did? If that is not the case, then why is Allaah testing me with these trials even though I do not have a lot of faith? If the reason is my sins, then I have repented from all sins, and I have said a lot of du’aa’. If Allaah wants to raise me in status in Paradise thereby, how can that be when Allaah knows that I am not able to bear this trial? 


Many questions are going around in my mind, they are haunting me and I cannot find any answer. In fact my resolve has started to fail and my faith is beginning to weaken, and I feel very distressed about everything in this world. I can no longer bear this burden. It has gone on too long and I am filled with deep despair and doubt is entering my heart. Were it not that Allaah has forbidden suicide, I would have done it and given myself a break. I apologize for going on at such length.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly:

We ask Allaah to accept your repentance and forgive your sin,
and to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. 

Secondly: 

Undoubtedly there is some error in your understanding of the
issue of du’aa’ and response and calamity. What you are suffering from is
something natural, if you do not have a proper understanding of these and
similar matters. We empathize with you and feel your pain, and we hope that
you will pay attention to what we are going to explain to you, and follow
it. We see from your letter that you are prepared to accept what we want to
tell you, and this had encouraged us to write back to you and tell you what
will be good for you in this world and in the Hereafter. 

Thirdly: 

Many people think that all they have to do is to declare
their repentance to their Lord, then they will immediately have it easy and
be relieved of trouble, and wealth will come to them, and they will live a
life of luxury! But none of that is necessarily the case. Rather there is a
test and trial of this person’s repentance: is it sincere or not? Is it for
the sake of Allaah or not? All of that means he will face a new test. Indeed
the purpose and wisdom behind this life is that it is a test and trial.
Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Verily, We have created man from Nutfah (drops) of mixed
semen (sexual discharge of man and woman), in order to try him, so We made
him hearer and seer”

[al-Insaan 76:2] 

If he understands this fact, then he should surrender in his
heart to his Lord and accept it, but if he does not understand that, then he
will not be able to surrender in his heart to his Lord, even if he seems to
have surrendered outwardly. Hence it was narrated that some of the salaf
said: “If the kings and sons of kings knew what joy we experience, they
would fight us for it with their swords.” What joy could be referred to
here? It is the joy of the heart that has certain faith in its Lord, may He
be exalted, and the joy of obeying Him and the happiness of drawing closer
to Him, even if they were going through hardships. This is the measure of a
good life, as Allaah says in His Holy Book, where He says (interpretation of
the meaning): 

“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female —
while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him
We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful
provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the
best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)”

[al-Nahl 16:97] 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on
him) said: 

The one who combines faith and good deeds, “to him We will
give a good life” by giving him tranquillity in his heart and peace of
mind, and by causing him not to pay any attention to that which could
disturb his heart. Allaah will grant him a goodly provision from sources he
could not imagine, and “We shall pay them certainly” in the Hereafter
“a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do”, all
kinds of delight such as no eye has seen, no ear has heard and it has not
crossed the mind of any man. So Allaah will give him good in this world and
good in the Hereafter. Tafseer al-Sa’di (p. 448). 

With regard to others, such as the kuffaar and sinners,
listen to what Allaah says about them (interpretation of the meaning):  

“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither
believes in this Qur’aan nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a
life of hardship, and We shall raise him up blind on the Day of
Resurrection”

[Ta-Ha 20:124] 

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

“But whosoever turns away from My Reminder” means:
goes against My command and that which I have revealed to My Messenger, and
turns away from it and ignores it, and follows something other than its
guidance, “verily, for him is a life of hardship” i.e., in this
world, so he will have no tranquillity or peace of mind, rather he will be
in a state of anxiety because of his misguidance, even if he appears
outwardly to be living a life of luxury, wearing what he wants, eating what
he wants, living where he wants, but so long as his heart has no certain
faith and is not guided, then he will be in a state of anxiety and confusion
and doubt, and he will remain doubtful and hesitant. This is part of the
life of hardship. 

Tafseer Ibn Katheer (5/322,
323) 

Is it in any way wise or reasonable to give up that which
Allaah has given you of different kinds of worship, and has honoured you
with belief in it, because you are deceived by the ease and ample provision
enjoyed by the kuffaar in this world?  

“Do they think that in wealth and children with which We
enlarge them

56. We hasten unto them with good things. Nay, [it is a
Fitnah (trial) in this worldly life so that they will have no share of good
things in the Hereafter] but they perceive not”

[al-Mu’minoon 23:55] 

Moreover you are ignoring the clear evidence in the Book of
Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger about du’aa’ and its great
importance, and the causes of it being answered, and you are focussing on
things such as the phrase “By My Might and Majesty, if he had asked Me to
save him I would have saved him” which is more akin to the words of story
tellers and reports from the Children of Israel.  

Even if we assume it is sound, is simply getting what one
wants in this world of good living and ample provision a sign that he is
accepted by his Lord? 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“As for man, when his Lord tries him by giving him honour
and bounties, then he says (in exultation): “My Lord has honoured me.”

16. But when He tries him by straitening his means of
life, he says: “My Lord has humiliated me!”

17. Nay! But you treat not the orphans with kindness and
generosity (i.e. you neither treat them well, nor give them their exact
right of inheritance)!

18. And urge not one another on the feeding of Al‑Miskeen
(the poor)!

19. And you devour the inheritance — all with greed.

20. And you love wealth with much love.

21. Nay! When the earth is ground to powder.

22. And your Lord comes with the angels in rows.

23. And Hell will be brought near that Day. On that Day
will man remember, but how will that remembrance (then) avail him?

24. He will say: “Alas! Would that I had sent forth (good
deeds) for (this) my life!”

25. So on that Day none will punish as He will punish.

26. And none will bind (the wicked, disbelievers and
polytheists) as He will bind”

[al-Fajr 89:15-26] 

Even if we assume that this provision came to him after a
great deal of du’aa’, does this indicate that this person is acceptable and
pleasing to his Lord? 

“He it is Who enables you to travel through land and sea,
till when you are in the ships, and they sail with them with a favourable
wind, and they are glad therein, then comes a stormy wind and the waves come
to them from all sides, and they think that they are encircled therein. Then
they invoke Allaah, making their Faith pure for Him Alone, (saying): “If You
(Allaah) deliver us from this, we shall truly, be of the grateful.”

23. But when He delivers them, behold! They rebel (disobey
Allaah) in the earth wrongfully. O mankind! Your rebellion (disobedience to
Allaah) is only against your ownselves, — a brief enjoyment of this worldly
life, then (in the end) unto Us is your return, and We shall inform you of
that which you used to do”

[Yoonus 10:22-23] 

Shaykh Ibn al-Sa’di (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

They understood that they were doomed, so they ended their
dependence on created beings and they realized that no one could save them
from this hardship except Allaah alone, so they called upon Him, making
their Faith pure for Him Alone and promising that they would adhere to that,
and they said: “If You (Allaah) deliver us from this, we shall truly, be
of the grateful” but “when He delivers them, behold! They rebel
(disobey Allaah) in the earth wrongfully” i.e., they forget that
hardship and that du’aa’, and what they committed themselves to, and they
associate others with Allaah whom they acknowledge cannot save them from
hardships or protect them from difficulty. Why are they not sincere towards
Allaah in worship in times of ease as they are at times of hardship? 

But they will face the consequences of their rebellion, hence
Allaah says: “Your rebellion (disobedience to Allaah) is only against
your ownselves, — a brief enjoyment of this worldly life” i.e.,
everything that you hope when you rebel and turn away from Allaah, is to
make some worldly gains, which will soon come to an end, then you will leave
them behind: “then (in the end) unto Us is your return” on the Day of
Resurrection, “and We shall inform you of that which you used to do”.
This is the ultimate warning to them against persisting in what they are
doing. End quote. Tafseer al-Sa’di (361). 

Think about the meaning of the words of Allaah
(interpretation of the meaning): 

“Whoever desires the quick‑passing (transitory enjoyment
of this world), We readily grant him what We will for whom We like. Then,
afterwards, We have appointed for him Hell; he will burn therein disgraced
and rejected __
far away from Allaah’s Mercy).

19. And whoever desires the Hereafter and strives for it,
with the necessary effort due for it (i.e. does righteous deeds of Allaah’s
obedience) while he is a believer (in the Oneness of Allaah __ Islâmic
Monotheism) — then such are the ones whose striving shall be appreciated,
(thanked and rewarded by Allaah).

20. On each __ these as well as those __We bestow from the
Bounties of your Lord. And the Bounties of your Lord can never be forbidden.

21. See how We prefer one above another (in this world),
and verily, the Hereafter will be greater in degrees and greater in
preferment”

[al-Isra’ 17:18-21] 

You should understand that the matter is not as you think,
that the one who gets his share or has his du’aa’ answered is better, and
that the one who does not get anything is of lesser status. No, it is not
like that. 

Fourthly: 

Many people are mistaken about the issue of du’aa’ in many
ways. With regard to your question we want to point out two mistakes: 

1 – You think that du’aa’ is answered just because you say
du’aa’. This is wrong, because there are conditions for du’aa’s to be
answered and there are impediments which prevent it from being answered. 

For a detailed discussion concerning this matter, please see
the answer to question no. 5113. 

In that discussion you will see that one of the impediments
to du’aa’ being answered in your case is your being impatient and getting
frustrated. 

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger of
Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A person will
still be answered so long as his du’aa’ does not involve sin or severing
ties of kinship, and so long as he does not become impatient.” It was said:
O Messenger of Allaah, what does being impatient mean? He said: “Saying, I
said du’aa’, and I said du’aa’, and I did not receive any response, then he
becomes frustrated and stops saying du’aa’.” Narrated by Muslim (2735).  

2 – You think that the response can only be of one kind,
which is getting what you asked for in du’aa’ such as wealth, children, a
job and so on. This is wrong, because the response may be of three types: it
may be by getting what one asked for in du’aa’, or it may be that evil
commensurate with one’s du’aa’ is warded off, or that may be stored up for
one as reward for the Day of Resurrection. 

It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed that the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There
is no Muslim who does not offer any du’aa’ in which there is no sin or
severing of family ties but Allaah will give him one of three things in
return: either He will answer his du’aa’ sooner, or he will store it up for
him in the Hereafter, or He will divert an equivalent evil away from him
because of it.” They said: “We will say a lot of du’aa’.” He said: “Allaah
is more generous.” Narrated by Ahmad (10749), classed as saheeh by
al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Targheeb wa’l-Tarheeb (1633). 

Fifthly: 

If a Muslim is falling short in his worship and obedience,
that should make him feel that he is not worthy of having his du’aa’
answered, and perhaps that will motivate him to do more acts of worship and
obedience that will bring him closer to Allaah. If the caller believes that
he has done that which Allaah loves and is pleased with, and that he
deserves an answer, that will make him think badly of his Lord, may He be
exalted, and will make him feel let down and begin to despair, until he
wishes that he could escape from life by committing suicide. All of that,
unfortunately, we can see in your words. 

This is unlike the one who is aware of his shortcomings
before his Lord. This will make him think badly of himself, not of his Lord,
may He be glorified and exalted, and that will motivate him to keep away
from forbidden things and do obligatory things, and to follow the path of
piety, and to avoid overindulging in permissible things which may distract
him from obeying his Lord. 

Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: It
was narrated that ‘Umar Ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him)
said: By avoiding that which Allaah has forbidden, Allaah will accept du’aa’
and tasbeeh. And it was narrated that Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with
him) said: “The amount of du’aa’ with righteousness that is sufficient is
like the amount of salt that is sufficient with food.” And Muhammad ibn
Waasi’ said: A little du’aa’ is sufficient with piety.  

One of the salaf said: Do not expect a response when you have
blocked the way with sins. One of the poets also commented on this by
saying: 

We call upon Allaah for every hardship, then we forget Him
when the hardship is relieved.

How can we hope for an answer to our du’aa’s, when we have
blocked its way with sins? 

Jaami’ al-‘Uloom wa’l-Hukam
(1/107, 108). 

Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

It was said to Ibraaheem ibn Adham: Why is it that we
supplicate and receive no response? 

He said because you know Allaah but you do not obey Him, and
you know the Messenger but you do not follow his Sunnah, and you know the
Qur’aan but you do not act in accordance with it, and you eat from the
blessings of Allaah but you do not give thanks for them, and you know
Paradise but you do not seek it, and you know Hell but you do not flee from
it, and you know the shaytaan but you do not fight him rather you agree with
him, and you know death but you do not prepare  for it, and you have buried
the dead but you do not learn a lesson from that, and you ignore your own
faults and are preoccupied with other people’s faults. 

Tafseer al-Qurtubi (2/312). 

Study this brilliant passage from the writings of Ibn
al-Jawzi concerning this matter. He (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

I think part of the test is when a believer supplicates and
receives no response, and he repeats the du’aa’ for a long time and sees no
sign of a response. He should realize that this is a test and needs
patience. 

What a person experiences of waswaas when the response is
delayed is a sickness which needs medicine, I have experienced this myself.
A calamity befell me and I supplicated and did not see any response, and
Iblees started to lay his traps. Sometimes he said : The generosity (of
Allaah) is abundant and He is not miserly, so why is there a delay? 

I said to him: Be gone, O cursed one, for I have no need of
anyone to argue my case and I do not want you as a supporter! 

Then I told myself: Beware of going along with his whispers,
for if there was no other reason for the delay except that Allaah is testing
you to see whether you will fight the enemy, that is sufficient wisdom. 

My soul (nafs) said: How could you explain the delay in the
response of Allaah to your prayers for relief from this calamity? 

I said: It is proven with evidence that Allaah, may He be
glorified and exalted, is the Sovereign, and the Sovereign may withhold or
give, so there is no point in objecting to Him. 

2 – The wisdom behind that is proven in definitive evidence.
I may think that something is good, but wisdom does not dictate it, but the
reason for that may be hidden, just as a doctor may do things that appear
outwardly to be harmful, intending some good purpose thereby. Perhaps this
is something of that nature. 

3 – There may be an interest to be served by delay, and haste
may be harmful. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
said: “A person will be fine so long as he does not become impatient and
says, ‘I prayed but I did not receive any answer.’” 

4 – The response may be withheld because of some fault in
you. Perhaps there was something dubious in what you ate or your heart was
heedless at the time when you said the du’aa’, or your punishment is being
increased by means of your need being withheld, because of some sin from
which you have not repented sincerely. 

So look for some of these reasons, so that you might achieve
your aim. 

5 – You should examine the intention behind this request,
because attaining it may lead to more sin, or prevent you from doing some
good, so withholding it is better. 

It was narrated that one of the salaf used to ask Allaah to
help him to go out on campaign, but a voice called out to him: If you go out
on campaign you will be taken prisoner, and if you are taken prisoner you
will become a Christian! 

6 – Perhaps losing what you have missed out on will cause you
to turn to Allaah and getting it will distract you from Him. This is
obvious, based on the fact that were it not for this calamity you would not
have turned to Him, because the real calamity is what distracts you from
Him, but what makes you stand before Him is good for you and is in your best
interests. 

If you ponder these things you will focus on what is more
beneficial for you, such as correcting a mistake or seeking forgiveness or
standing before Allaah and beseeching Him, and forget about what you have
missed out on . End quote. 

Sayd al-Khaatir (59-60). 

And Allaah is the Source of strength.