Saturday, 28 January 2012

How to start fair treatment between two wives

 

If a man marries a second wife, how should he start fair treatment between his two wives?

Praise be to Allaah.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If he marries a virgin, he should stay with her for seven nights, then start alternating (between his wives). If he marries a previously-married woman, then he should stay with her for three nights. That is because Abu Qulaabah narrated that Anas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: “It is part of the Sunnah, if a man marries a virgin after marrying a previously-married woman, that he should stay with her for seven days, then start sharing his time, and if he marries a previously-married woman, he should stay with her for three days, then start sharing his time.” Abu Qulaabah said: If you wish, you may say that Anas attributed this to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and it is agreed upon.  If the previously-married woman wants him to stay with her for seven days, then he should do that, and make it up to the other wives later on , because Umm Salamah narrated that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) stayed with her for three days, and he said, “You are not unimportant; if you want I can stay seven nights with you, but if I do that, I have to do likewise with the rest of my wives.” According to another version, “If you wish, I will stay with you for three nights, then I will alternate among you.” According to another report: “If you wish, I will stay with you for three nights exclusively for you.”

Is it permissible for him to go to his second wife if he forsakes his first wife for a shar’i reason?

Is it permissible for him to go to his second wife if he forsakes his first wife for a shar’i reason [i.e., withholds conjugal relations for disciplinary purposes]? Or should he stay in the same house with the wife whom he is forsaking?

Praise be to Allaah. 

We put this question to Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen, may Allaah preserve him, who answered as follows:

 For the sake of dividing his time fairly among his wives, giving each wife a night and a day, he should stay with her. And Allaah knows best.

Plural marriage is mustahabb for the one who can afford it; it is not obligatory

Is plural marriage obligatory for every Muslim who can afford it?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: plural marriage is Sunnah for the one who can afford it, and is not obligatory, according to scholarly consensus. See al-Mughni, 9/340. 

Shaykh Ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: Is plural marriage permissible in Islam or is it Sunnah? 

He replied: Plural marriage is Sunnah for the one who can afford it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphan girls then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (slaves) that your right hands possess. That is nearer to prevent you from doing injustice”

[al-Nisa’ 4:3] 

And it is Sunnah because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did it. He had nine wives and Allaah benefited the ummah through them. This is one of the things that applied only to him (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Other men are not allowed to have more than four wives. 

There are many benefits in plural marriage for men and women and for the Muslim ummah as a whole. Plural marriage enables everyone to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, to have many children, and for a man to take care of many women and protect them from the causes of evil and deviation. 

As for the one who cannot afford that and fears that he will not be able to treat co-wives justly, he should settle for just one wife, because Allaah says: “but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one”.  From Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/202 

Secondly: It should be noted that in principle, marriage may be obligatory or mustahabb, depending on each person’s situation and his need for marriage. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

 With regard to marriage, people are of three categories: 

1 – Those who fear that they may commit haraam actions if they do not get married. In this case marriage is obligatory according to most of the fuqaha’, because a person has to keep himself chaste and avoid haraam things. 

2 – Those for whom it is mustahabb, who are those who feel desire but they are certain that they are not going to do haraam things. For such people marriage is better than devoting oneself to naafil acts of worship, because Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) enjoined and encouraged marriage, and because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got married, as did his companions, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and his companions only did that which is best. And because the interests served by marriage are many, because it protects one’s religious commitment, and it protects the woman, keeps her chaste and takes care of her, and produces children, and increases the numbers of the ummah, and will make the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) proud [of the numbers of his ummah in the Hereafter], and serves other interests, any one of which outweighs the benefits of doing naafil acts of worship, so it is better.  

3 – Those who have no desire, either because they were created without desire or because they were created with desire but have now lost it, because of old age or sickness, etc. These people are of two types: 

(a)      Those for whom marriage is mustahabb, because of the general meaning of the evidence which enjoins marriage.

(b)     Those for whom devoting themselves to worship is better, because they cannot fulfil the purposes of marriage and they would not be able to keep a wife chaste, which will cause her harm and this means that he will be keeping her without looking after her properly, and he will be taking on obligations and duties that he may not be able to fulfil.   

The evidence which indicates that marriage is encouraged should be understood as referring to those who have desire. 

And Allaah knows best.

He has two wives and it is difficult for him to treat them fairly

 

A man has two wives, each of whom lives far from the other, so it is not easy for him to treat them equally in terms of staying overnight with them. His place or work and business is where one of the wives lives, which means that he spends more time with one of them than the other. Is this husband sinning or not?.

Praise be to Allaah.

We should see whether the two wives are happy with the situation or not. If they are both happy then the matter is clear, because they have the right; if they are happy with what the husband is doing then there is no problem. If each of them demands her rights for the situation to be corrected, then he must treat them equally, spending a day with one and a day with the other. If it is too hard for him to go back and forth between them every day, then he may stay with one for three days or a week, and with the other for three days or a week, according to whatever he agrees with them. What matters is that he should treat them equally in terms of maintenance and time and everything in which he can treat them equally. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen. 

Liqaa’aat al-Baab il-Maftoohah, 3/447 

He should try to make their homes closer together and nearer to his place of work and business, so that he will be able to treat them fairly. 

And Allaah knows best.

Conditions for plural marriage

on what conditions is it allowed for a muslim to marry more than one wife?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Marrying more than one wife is a matter which is recommended, subject to certain conditions: that the man be financially and physically able for it, and that he be able to treat his wives justly. 

Plural marriage brings a lot of benefits, including protecting the chastity of the women whom he marries, bringing people closer together, and producing a lot of children. This is what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to when he said: “Marry the one who is loving and fertile”. And it serves a lot of other purposes. But for a man to marry more than one wife by way of boasting and taking that as a challenge to prove himself, this is a form of extravagance and extravagance is forbidden. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“and waste not by extravagance. Verily, He likes not al-musrifoon (those who waste by extravagance)”[al-An’aam 6:141]

He has two wives and he is not dividing his time among them fairly

Is it obligatory for a husband with two wives to designate specified days for each wife.  Also, is it permissable that he share the days between the two.  My husband presently has no designated days for us.  He comes to my home when he has finish his rounds at my co-wives house.  He then comes to my home to go to bed.  This arrangement is not acceptable to me.  Were on the brink of divorce.

Praise be to Allaah. 

The one who has more than one wife has to treat all his wives fairly. One of the matters in which he must be fair is the division of his time, i.e., he must give each wife a day and a night, and he must stay with her on that night. 

Al-Shaafa’i (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “The Sunnah of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the opinion of the majority of Muslim scholars indicate that a man has to divide his days and nights between his wives [giving each a full day and night], and that he has to be fair in doing so. (al-Umm, 5/158). And he said: I do not know of any (scholarly) disagreement with the view that a man must share his time among his wives and do so fairly. (al-Umm, 5/280). 

Al-Baghawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: If a man has more than one wife, he has to treat them equally, if they are free [i.e., not slaves], whether they are Muslims or from among the People of the Book [i.e., Jewish or Christian]. If he does not treat them equally, then he has disobeyed Allaah and he has to make it up to the one whom he wronged. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives and leans towards (i.e. favours) one of them (over the other), will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.” However there is some dispute concerning its isnaad. (Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2/242; al-Tirmidhi, 3/447; al-Nasaa’i, 7/64; Ibn Maajah, 1/633; classed as saheeh by al-Haafiz in Buloogh al-Maraam, 3/310, and al-Albaani in Irwaa’ al-Ghaleel, 7/80). 

What is meant by this “leaning” is favouring in terms of actions; a man will not be taken to task for the inclination of his heart if he treats (his wives) equally in practical terms. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“You will never be able to do perfect justice between wives even if it is your ardent desire, so do not incline too much to one of them…”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:129] 

What this means is that you will never be able to treat them equally in your heart, so do not incline too much towards one of them, i.e., do not make your actions follow your whims and desires.

(Sharh al-Sunnah, 9/150-151) 

Ibn Hazam (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Treating co-wives equally is obligatory, most of all sharing one’s nights between them.

(al-Muhalla, 9/175) 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: He has to treat his wives fairly according to the consensus of the Muslims. In the four Sunans it was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever has two wives…” He has to be fair in his division of time between them. So if he stays with one of them for one night, or two or three, he should stay with the other for the same number of nights, and he should not give preference to one of them in his sharing of his time.

(Majmoo’ al-Fataawa, 32/269) 

Al-‘Ayni said, commenting on the hadeeth, “Whoever has two wives…”: It was said that what was meant was that half of his body would be leaning in a real sense, or that he would have no acceptable excuse for favouring one wife over the other. The apparent meaning is that this is in the real sense. This is indicated by the report of Abu Dawood, “with half of his body leaning.” The punishment fits the crime, because he did not treat them fairly or he deviated from what is right. Because of his being unfair and favouring one of them, his punishment is that he will come before the witnesses on the Day of Resurrection with one half of his body leaning.

(‘Umdat al-Qaari’, 20/199. See also al-Mabsoot, 5/217). 

Al-Shawkaani also understood this to mean that it is obligatory (to treat co-wives fairly). See al-Sayl al-Jiwaar, 2/301; Nayl al-Awtaar, 6/216 

Ibn Qudaamah al-Maqdisi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: We know of no dispute among the scholars concerning the fact that it is obligatory to treat co-wives equally when sharing one’s time between them. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisaa’ 4:19], but favouring one of them is not honourable.

Al-Mughni, 8/138 

This husband has to fear Allaah and be fair in his division of his time. The wife has to tell him of the ruling of sharee’ah concerning what he is doing, and of the warning of mistreatment. She should remind him of Allaah and the Hereafter, so that he will check himself and be fair in his division of time. This is better than separating, in sha Allah. And Allaah knows best.

A wife giving up her right to maintenance; and is the first wife’s approval needed before one can marry a second wife?

Is it halal to have a second wife who says she does not need financial support. If so, what if the first wife does not allow the marriage..can a man still get married again?

Praise be to Allaah.

Maintenance is one of the rights of the wife which is an obligation upon her husband. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means.”

[al-Nisaa’ 4:34] 

If the woman foregoes this right, to which she is entitled – which is her maintenance– then it is no longer obligatory upon her husband. 

Ibn Qudaamah said: If she agrees to forego some part of her share (of her husband’s time) or her maintenance, or all of that, this is permissible. (al-Mughni, vol. 7, p. 244). 

With regard to the permission and approval of the first wife for a plural marriage, this is not a condition and the husband does not have to seek the permission of his first wife to marry a second. But it is prescribed for him to be kind to her and to spend money and to say kind words so as to calm her down and reduce her jealousy. The Standing Committee was asked about the first wife’s approval for one who wants to marry another wife. Their response was: 

It is not obligatory for the husband, if he wants to take a second wife, to have the approval of the first wife, but it is the matter of good manners and kind treatment that he should speak to her kindly in such a way as to reduce the feelings of hurt which are natural in women in such cases.  That is by smiling at her, showing that he is happy to see her, being kind, speaking nicely and by spending money on her if necessary. 

See Fataawa Islamiyyah, vol. 3, p. 204

There is no hadeeth which says that a wife’s permission is required before taking another wife

Is there a hadith that relates to a husband needing the permission of present wife to marry 2nd wife?

Praise be to Allaah. 

There is no hadeeth which states that, and it is not conditional for the husband to have his wife’s permission to take another wife. But it is in everyone’s interests for him to try to get her consent, because this will help to reduce problems in the marriage.

Her co-wife threatens her, is hostile towards her and does not greet her with salaam

What to do when you are married to the same brother and the first wife threatens you and curses at you and will only give salaams when around other people to  save face but doesn't speak when no one else is around. Ive been married for 9years to him her longer. 

Praise be to Allaah. 

She has to bear it with patience as much as possible, and not repay evil with evil. She should respond to her co-wife’s provocations by keeping silent and keeping calm. If she can write her a letter expressing her views, this is good. Then after that she will not be responsible for what she (her co-wife) does, because she will have done what she is obliged to do.  

Shaykh Muhammad al-Duwaysh 

Adhere to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning):  

“and when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with mild words of gentleness” [al-Furqaan 25:63]

 “Repel (the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend” [Fussilat 41:34]  

Know that there is no better way of dealing with her than fearing Allaah concerning her when disobeys Allaah with regard to you..

 And Allaah is the Guide to the straight path.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Her mother wants to see her but she cannot travel there

I live in the western country for 11 years, away from my parents. My father past away 15 years ago, I have a mother and 4 sisters in Iraq. I have 8 children wa lillahi- al hamd they are all small between the age 0f 2 years to 13. My mother is old, and currently ill, she always calls me and asks me to ge back to my country to see her before she dies. It is hard for me to go back, because I can't leave my children alone and my husband does not agree for me to go back and leave my children, and I don't have a mahram to go back with. I send her money, and I call her very often. I always cry, I know that I have to Please my mother but I just can't leave my children in a caafir country, my husband is working day and night and I don't have any relatives here. I am not sure what to do, should I listen to my mother, leave my children and go back to my country with out my husband permition?? Or should I listen to my husband and stay with my children.??.

Praise be to Allaah.

I ask Allaah to heal your mother and to join you together in goodness and happiness and well being in this world and in the Hereafter. 

I give you the glad tidings that as Allaah knows how loving and devoted you are to your mother and how hard you are trying to please her and honour her, He will decree that you will be rewarded for that by His grace and bounty.  

The key to the matter is patience, because by means of patience hopes are fulfilled and calamities are lifted. Perhaps Allaah is testing you with this separation to see how patient you will be, then He will relieve it by enabling you to meet in a way that you never thought of, and He will bless you with being close to your mother, even if that is after some time. 

But I should point out to you some important Islamic rulings on this matter: 

1 – Remember that it is haraam for a woman to travel without a mahram. 

Al-Baghawi said: 

There is no difference of opinion that a woman cannot travel for anything but the obligatory Hajj except with her husband or a mahram. End quote. 

Narrated in Fath al-Baari (4/76). 

This has been discussed previously in the answers to questions no. 9370, 25841, 47029, 52703, and 82392. 

2 – The husband has the right to forbid his wife to travel to visit her mother if her travelling will result in some negative consequences, such as fear for the children, or fear for the wife’s life if it is not safe in the country to which she will go, or if there is no mahram or the husband is too busy with his work. In that case it is not permissible for the woman to go against her husband’s wishes and travel without his permission. Ibn al-Mundhir narrated that there was consensus that the man may prevent his wife from taking any journey. They only differed about her travelling to perform the obligatory Hajj. See: Fath al-Baari (4/77). This has to do with journeys that may lead to the negative consequences mentioned above. 

If none of these consequences will result from her travelling, it is not permissible for the husband to stop her from travelling to honour her parents and visit them in the way that will achieve the purpose, because honouring one’s parents is one of the most important of duties, and that undoubtedly includes visiting one’s sick mother who has asked to see her daughter before she passes away when the daughter has been away for such a long time. 

It says in al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (19/110): 

The husband should not stop his wife from visiting her sick parents, because preventing her from doing that is cutting off her ties of kinship with them and making his wife go against him. Allaah has enjoined treating one’s wife with kindness and this is not kind treatment. End quote. 

It says in Fataawa al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah (25/387): 

The husband must treat his wife kindly, in obedience to the words of Allaah (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. Part of living with them honourably is to give the wife permission to visit her family and keep in touch with them. Misunderstandings, especially about worldly matters, should not be an obstacle to that. But if the wife’s visiting her family will result in some negative consequences, then the husband has the right to stop his wife from visiting them, because warding off evil takes precedence over doing good. End quote. 

If the husband insists on not letting his wife visit her parents, is it permissible for her to go against his wishes and go and visit them? The scholars differed concerning this and there are two opinions as mentioned previously in the answer to question no. 83360. 

We do not favour the view that the wife may go against her husband’s wishes and leave his house without his permission, because of the serious negative consequences that this will have on the household, the family and the relationship between the couple. Warding off this evil is more important than the interests served by visiting the parents, especially since it is possible to reach an understanding with the husband so that he will allow and help his wife to go and see her mother. With good manners and a nice attitude, Allaah may soften their hearts and enable them to reach an agreement, in sha Allaah. 

See also question no. 1426 and 10680. 

3 – We would also remind you of what we said in the answers to questions no. 11793, 14235, and 27211, warning against settling in a kaafir country, because of the serious negative effects that that has on one’s religious commitment and morals. We hope that you will read those answers and benefit from them. The Muslim’s religious commitment is the best of his capital and it is not permissible  for him to neglect it and lose himself and his children in return for money that he may earn in the kaafir lands. 

And Allaah knows best.

She is asking for separate accommodation; is that regarded as causing separation between her husband and his family?

I married my maternal cousin a month and a half ago, and I do not feel happy with this marriage, because she does not show much respect to me and she goes out of the house a lot to visit her family, and she does not obey me in some matters. One day she said: I want separate accommodation. Please note that I live with my brother and his wife, and my sister, and everyone is happy with us living together and staying as one family. I swore an oath to her that her request would be fulfilled, but she should be patient for a while. But she refused and went to her family’s house. News of that reached my mother and she found out that my wife wants me and my brother to live in separate houses, and she said: If you live with your wife in a separate house I will never enter your house, and neither will your brother or anyone else in your family. Now I am in a bad situation. 1 – Should I disobey my mother and obey my wife, or should I lose my wife and obey my mother? Please note that she did not stipulate in the marriage contract that she should have her house, rather she only stipulated that she should complete her studies. 2 – My family wants me to divorce her and take my money back, because she is being wilfully defiant (naashiz). 3 – My family and my people regard my leaving the house where I live with my brother as something shameful. My question is – is my wife really being wilfully defiant?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

The relationship between the spouses should be one of love and kindness, especially if they are related to one another, so the rights of kinship are joined with the rights of marriage. Both parties should strive to establish such a relationship. 

Whatever happens of bad treatment between spouses may be due to the husband or the wife, or both of them. Based on that, you should look for the causes of her lack of respect towards you, or her not obeying your commands, and you should strive to sort it out. 

Some woman who are newly married do not understand how important it is to obey the husband, and they do not understand the concept of qiwaamah (being in charge of the family) that is the husband’s role alone. Hence they need some time to understand that, and they may need someone to explain it to them and teach them. Perhaps you could seek the help of some useful tapes and books that speak about the relationship between the spouses and the foundations of its success. 

At the same time, some men go too far in wanting their wives to hear and obey in absolutely everything, and if the wife discusses any issue with him or makes a suggestion or is a little late in doing what he told her to do, he accuses her of nushooz (wilful defiance), disobedience and going against the command of Allaah, and not respecting him. 

The husband should never treat his wife as he would treat his servant, and the wife has the right to be respected and consulted, to give her own opinion and to discuss matters so that they will reach the decision that is best. 

Secondly: 

The wife has the right to live in separate accommodation with her husband and children, and not to share it with anyone, whether it is a father, a mother or a relative. 

This is the view of most of the Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’. She also has the right to refuse to live with his father, mother and siblings. 

Al-Kaasaani said in Badaa’i al-Sanaa’i (4/24): If the husband wants to make her live with her co-wife or in-laws, such as the husband’s mother or sister or daughter from another wife or his relatives, and she refuses to do so, then he has to accommodate her in a separate house, because they may annoy her or harm her if they live together, and her refusal is an indication that she is being bothered or harmed. And because he needs to be able to have intercourse with her or be intimate with her at any time, and that cannot be done if there is a third person living with them. End quote. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah favoured the view that if the husband is poor or unable to provide separate accommodation for his wife, she does not have the right to ask for something he is unable to give. This was narrated from him in Mataalib Ooli al-Nuha (5/122). Rather she should bear it with patience until Allaah gives him the means.  

To sum up, separate accommodation is the wife’s right, even if she did not stipulate it in the marriage contract, and she has the right to ask for it now, and she is not regarded as being wilfully defiant because of that. The commonly held view among some people, that this is creating division among siblings, is not true, because this is a shar’i right of the wife, and it serves the interests of both spouses, because it prevents free mixing and guards them against looking at things that are not permissible. It is unfortunate that in many shared family homes, a man may look at his brother’s wife, and they may shake hands or be alone together, which may lead to jealousy, envy, disputes and separation. There may also be arguments because of the children. Undoubtedly a man is a stranger (non-mahram) to his brother’s wife, so it is not permissible for him to shake hands with her or be alone with her or look at her, unless he is a mahram to her through some other means, such as breastfeeding. 

The one who looks at shared family homes will be certain of the wisdom of what the scholars have said, that a wife should have her own home, because in many of these homes there are problems and differences between the spouses and between a man and his brother, and between the wife and her husband’s mother, and so on, as well as the many evils and things that go against Islam. 

Finally, what we advise you to do is to strive to bring about a reconciliation between your wife and your mother and family, and give each one his or her dues. Give your wife her right to separate accommodation, and it will not matter if any of them get angry about you having your own home, because you are not doing anything wrong. But you have to continue to uphold ties of kinship with your relatives, mother and brothers. 

If you cannot afford to provide a separate home for your wife at present, then you can make her a promise and advise her to be patient until Allaah makes you independent of means by His bounty. 

I ask Allaah, may He be exalted, to reconcile between you and unite you, and to increase the love and affection between you. 

And Allaah knows best.

His wife reviles him and insults him. What should he do?

There is a very ill mannered wife who slanders and insults her husband. He has warned her more than once, but she insists on insulting him. He cannot tolerate this but he has a daughter, and he fears for his daughter if he divorces his wife. What should he do?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the wife insults and reviles her husband, then he must advise her and warn her, and explain to her that her bad talk incurs sin, especially since the husband is the most deserving of people of her respect and good treatment, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone, I would have told women to prostrate to their husbands, because of the rights that Allaah has given them over them.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2140) and al-Tirmidhi (1159); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

You should follow with her the method that Allaah has mentioned in His Book, of admonishing, forsaking in bed and hitting in a way that does not cause injury. If none of that is successful, then you should seek help in advising her from a righteous person in her family, so as to preserve the family and take care of the rights of the children, if there are any. 

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allaah and to their husbands), and guard in the husband’s absence what Allaah orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband’s property). As to those women on whose part you see ill‑conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, Allaah is Ever Most High, Most Great”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34] 

Among the admonishment that you may use with her is telling her of the sin that she is committing by disobeying her husband, and the great reward that she will attain if she obeys him. 

You should also explain to her the harm that will be suffered by her, her husband and her daughter in the event of a divorce or if she continues to behave in this manner. 

If the wife responds and is affected by this admonition, and she gives up this bad behaviour, then this is what is wanted. If she persists in her evil ways and foolishness, then there is no blame on the husband if he divorces her. 

The scholars have stated that divorce may be permissible if it is needed because of the wife’s bad attitude and bad conduct, and if he is harmed by that and the purpose of marriage is not being achieved.  

Al-Mughni (10/324). 

What you have mentioned about being afraid for your daughter if you separate is something that should be taken into account. If you are afraid that you will not be able to bring her up, or that the girl will be harmed because of this divorce, then you should weigh up the two evils, that of staying with a woman whose attitude is bad and who is mistreating you, and that of what might happen to your daughter after a divorce. One of the basic principles of sharee’ah is doing the lesser of two evils in order to ward off the greater. 

You should pray istikhaarah, asking Allaah for guidance, before making your decision, and you should strive for reconciliation if possible. If that is not possible then strive to protect your daughter and get custody of her, and do not leave her for this woman to raise her with her attitude. 

We advise you to pray to Allaah and always fear Him, for Allaah has promised provision and a way out to the pious who always fear Him. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“And whosoever fears Allaah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty).

3. And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allaah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allaah will accomplish his purpose. Indeed Allaah has set a measure for all things”

[al-Talaaq 65:2-3] 

We also advise you to repent to Allaah from all sins, for the wife’s bad attitude may be a punishment for sins that one has committed, as it was narrated that al-Fudayl ibn ‘Iyaad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I disobey Allaah then I see that in the attitude of my mount or my wife.  

We ask Allaah to set our affairs and the affairs of the Muslims straight. 

And Allaah knows best.

Her family are objecting to her living with her husband’s family

I got married four months ago, and I promised my wife that she would have her own place to live, but because it was so difficult to find suitable accommodation in my city, I asked her to let us live with my family temporarily. 
Is it permissible for her parents to object to us moving in with my family?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Accommodation is one of the wife’s rights that the husband is obliged to provide, according to scholarly consensus, because Allaah has given the woman who is revocably divorced (first or second talaaq) the right to accommodation provided by her husband, as He says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“Lodge them (the divorced women) where you dwell, according to your means”

[al-Talaaq 65:6] . 

So the right to accommodation is even more certain in the case of one who is still married, because Allaah has enjoined kind treatment between spouses as He says (interpretation of the meaning): “and live with them honourably” [al-Nisa’ 4:19]. Part of living with them honourably is providing one’s wife with accommodation where she feels safe. Similarly, a wife cannot do without accommodation to conceal her from the gaze of others and where she can relax and feel that her property is safe. Hence accommodation is a right that she has over her husband. 

The majority of Hanafi, Shaafa’i and Hanbali fuqaha’ are of the view that the wife has the right to accommodation that is separate from her husband’s relatives, and she has the right to refuse to live with his father or mother or both. 

The Maalikis are of the view that a distinction is to be made between a wife of noble status and a wife of lowly status. They said that it is not permissible to make a wife of noble status live with one’s parents, but that is permissible with regard to a wife of lowly status, unless making the wife of lowly status live with the parents will cause her harm. See: al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (25/109), al-Sharh al-Sagheer ‘ala Mukhtasar Khaleel (2/737). 

But what is meant by accommodation according to the fuqaha’ is providing her with a room that has a door and a lock, along with a bathroom and kitchen, unless they are poor and are content to share a kitchen and bathroom. 

Ibn ‘Aabideen said in his Haashiyah (3/600): The phrase “a separate house” means a place to spend the night, which is a separate, specific place. It seems that what is meant by separate is a place that is hers alone and she does not share it with anyone else in the household. “With a lock” means that which is locked and opened with a key. “… bathroom and kitchen” means a washroom and a place for cooking which are inside the room or the house, and she does not share them with any other member of the household. I (Ibn ‘Aabideen) say: And that should be the case with regard to people who are not poor, so that each person has his own room and some shared facilities such as the bathroom, oven and well. 

See also question no. 7653

Secondly: 

If the wife agrees to live with your family, there is nothing wrong with that, because she is giving up her right. Her parents have no right to object to that, so long as she is an adult of sound mind. 

She has the right to withdraw this agreement, because her right to separate accommodation is not forfeited by her giving it up. 

Thirdly: 

The wife’s living with her husband’s family should be free of any haraam things such as the husband’s brothers, paternal uncles etc being alone with her or looking at her. 

It is well known that it is not permissible for a woman to be alone with, shake hands with or uncover any part of her ‘awrah in front of her husband’s brothers, because they are strangers to her like any other non-mahrams; rather there should be even more caution in their case, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” An Ansaari man said: O Messenger of Allaah, what about the in-law? He said: “The in-law is death.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4934) and Muslim (2172). al-Layth ibn Sa’d said: The in-law is the brother of the husband and similar relatives of the husband such as his cousin and the like.

 Narrated by Muslim. 

That depends on the situation of both the wife and of the husband’s family, and whether both parties can put up with sharing accommodation and living space. It seems that nowadays married life is affected greatly by such circumstances, and many problems between both parties are caused by sharing accommodation, to such an extent that it is very rare to find a happy and calm married life when sharing living space with the husband’s family. Perhaps it is because all people have seen such things that your wife’s family  have objected to your moving in with your family, out of concern for your marriage, and they are not being stubborn or trying to control you and your family. 

We ask Allaah to help you to do that which is good and to help you and your family and your wife. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

Her husband is mentally ill and hurts her. How should she deal with him? Does he have any rights?

A woman is asking if her husband has rights over her. He is mentally ill. He does not interfere in the matters of their home. He also accuses her of being disloyal. She is far from him though. He is a father for 10 individuals. They got married without any help from his side. This made her very upset and she does not want to even talk with him. Please clarify the Islamic ruling on this matter.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

We ask Allaah to heal your husband sooner rather than later, and we ask Allaah to increase your reward for your patience and forbearance. This calamity with which Allaah has tested you will bring reward if you are patient and seek reward for it. 

It was narrated that Suhayb said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the situation of the believer, for all his affairs are good. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks for it and that is good for him; if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him. This does not apply to anyone but the believer.”

Narrated by Muslim (2999). 

And it was narrated from Abu Sa’eed al-Khudri and Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No exhaustion, pain, anxiety, grief, harm or distress befalls a Muslim, not even a thorn that pricks him, but Allaah will expiate some of his sins thereby.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5318) and Muslim (2573). 

Secondly: 

In the case of your husband’s sickness, either he is aware of what he is doing and saying, or he is not aware. If he is aware, then he is accountable for what he says and does, and it is not permissible for him to accuse you or to fail to raise his children; he must do what Allaah has enjoined upon him of acts of worship and obedience, and not do that which Allaah has forbidden. 

In this case you must carry out all marital duties and it is not permissible for you to neglect them.

If he is not aware of what he is saying and doing as the result of this sickness, then he is no longer accountable for what he says and does. But if his actions affect the rights of others, then the one whose right it is may take his right from your husband’s wealth or from his guardians, such as if he transgresses against someone by killing him or he damages his car and so on. 

It was narrated from ‘Aa’ishah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Pen has been lifted from three: from the sleeping person until he wakes up, from the minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (4398), al-Nisaa’i (3432) and Ibn Maajah (2041); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. 

Ibn Hazm (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

As for the one who has not yet reached puberty, or who has reached puberty but has no discernment or reason, or has lost his power of discernment after reaching puberty and being able to discern, such people are not accountable and they are not allowed to dispose of any of their wealth, because of the report that we have narrated from the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “The Pen has been lifted from three”, in which he mentioned “from the minor until he grows up, and from the insane person until he comes to his senses.” 

Al-Muhalla (7/200). 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:  

As for the rational man, his opposite is the insane man who has no reason, or the elderly man or elderly woman if they have reached the age where they have lost the power of discernment, which is known as senility. Such a person does not have to pray because he does not have the mental capacity. 

Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (12/first question). 

See scholarly comments on his behaviour and its effects in the answer to question no. 73412. 

With regard to his accusation that you have sinned, if what you mean is an accusation of zina, then in the second case he is not committing slander, because an important condition, namely reason, is missing. Similarly, he cannot engage in li’aan either. 

In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (33/11) it says: 

The fuqaha’ are unanimously agreed that in order for a person to be regarded as committing slander, he (or she) must be an adult of sound mind and acting on the basis of free will, whether male or female, free or slave, Muslim or non-Muslim. 

End quote. 

To sum up: 

You may either put up with what he is doing, if he does not understand what he is doing because of his sickness and loss of reason, or you may refer your case to the qaadi to determine whether he is fit to remain as your husband or the marriage may be annulled. 

If he does understand what he is doing, then you may either put up with what is happening or you may ask him for a divorce, and if he refuses you may refer your case to the sharee’ah court to arrange a separation. 

And Allaah knows best.

Tuesday, 17 January 2012

Does signing a divorce paper count as divorce?

If a husband receives an official form from the court on which is written the words “I divorce my wife” and he signs it, is that counted as a divorce?

Praise be to Allaah.  

Yes, this is a divorce if the name of the wife is written on the form.

He pronounced divorce three times but the qaadi wrote it down as one divorce. The ‘iddah has now ended and he wants to take her back

I divorced my wife about eight years ago. When I asked the qaadi to record the divorce I said: “I divorce my wife So and so the daughter of So and so three times.” When I did that I knew what he had written down because I am an educated man, but when the scribe wrote it down in the records, he wrote it as one divorce. This gave my wife the hope that I would take her back and she has not remarried until now… Now I want to take her back, and her family also wants that.
 Should I go against my intention and proceed on the basis of what is written in the records or not?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

The scholars differed concerning the ruling on one who divorces his wife by saying “I divorce you thrice”. The majority of scholars are of the view that this means that divorce has taken place three times; others are of the view that divorce takes place only once. 

Shaykh ‘Abd al-‘Azeez ibn Baaz (may Allaah have mercy on him) was asked: 

A man divorced his wife by saying “I divorce you thrice”; what is the ruling on that?

 He replied: 

If a man divorces his wife three times with one word, such as saying, “You are thrice divorced”, the majority of scholars are of the view that the woman is indeed thrice divorced and becomes forbidden for her husband until she has been married to another man in a serious marriage in which the new husband has intercourse with her and they only separate as a result of death or divorce, not a tahleel marriage (i.e., a marriage of convenience aimed at making it permissible for her to remarry her former husband). 

They quoted as evidence for that the fact that ‘Umar ibn al-Khattaab (may Allaah be pleased with him) counted such a divorce as being three and judged among people accordingly. 

Other scholars were of the view that this is to be regarded as a single divorce, and the husband may take her back so long as the ‘iddah has not yet ended. If the ‘iddah has ended then she may marry him with a new marriage contract. They quoted as evidence for that the report narrated in Saheeh Muslim from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said:  “At the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), the time of Abu Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him) and the first two years of the caliphate of ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him), a threefold divorce was counted as one. ‘Umar said: “People are being hasty with regard to a matter in which they should not rush. Let us count it as three and judge between people accordingly .” According to another report narrated by Muslim: Abu’l-Sahba’ said to Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with them): “Was not three counted as one at the time of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and the time of Abu Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him) and the first three years of the time of  ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him)?” He said: “Yes,” 

They also quote as evidence the report narrated by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad with a jayyid isnaad from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him), that Abu Rakaanah divorced his wife by saying “I divorce you thrice”, then he regretted it, so the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) returned her to him with one word and said, “This is only one (divorce).” This hadeeth and the one before it are to be understood as referring to divorcing by saying “I divorce you thrice”, in order to reconcile these two hadeeths and the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The divorce is twice”

[al-Baqarah 2:229] 

“And if he has divorced her (the third time), then she is not lawful unto him thereafter until she has married another husband. Then, if the other husband divorces her, it is no sin on both of them that they reunite, provided they feel that they can keep the limits ordained by Allaah. These are the limits of Allaah, which He makes plain for the people who have knowledge”

[al-Baqarah 2:230] 

This was the view of Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) according to a saheeh report narrated from him; according to the other report narrated from him he shared the view of the majority. The view that they should be regarded as one divorce was narrated from ‘Ali, ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf and al-Zubayr ibn al-‘Awwaam (may Allaah be pleased with them). 

This was also the view of a number of the Taabi’een, Muhammad ibn Ishaaq the author of al-Seerah, and a number of the earlier and later scholars. It was also the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah and his student Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on them). This is also my view, because that is following all of the texts, and because it is also more merciful and kind to the Muslims. 

Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/281, 282. 

It seems that the qaadi was also of this view, which is that the threefold divorce counts as one divorce. Based on this there is nothing wrong with taking her back. 

But after the ‘iddah is over you cannot take her back, rather you have to make a new marriage contract with her. 

With regard to taking her back after the ‘iddah is over – i.e., after three menstrual cycles – this is not valid, because once a woman’s ‘iddah is completed she becomes a “stranger” for her husband and she is not permissible for him except with a new marriage contract.

 Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/293 

And Allaah knows best.

What is the relationship of a woman to the man who has divorced her?

Is it permissible for me to go out with my ex-husband in the company of our children on occasion, so that they can be together with both parents like other children. That is done is public places. Also, he does not pray – is the money that he spends on them haraam?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

If a man has issued the last of three talaaqs (divorces), or he has divorced her once or twice and her ‘iddah has ended, then she becomes a stranger (non-mahram) to him, and it is not permissible for her to be alone with him or to touch her or to look at her. 

The relationship of an ex-husband with his ex-wife is like his relationship with any other non-mahram woman. The fact that they have children does not justify his looking at her, being alone with her or travelling with her. He can go out with his children without her being there, or she can be present with one of her mahrams, without doing any of the haraam things that we have mentioned. 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

A thrice-divorced woman is a stranger (non-mahram) to the man like any other non-mahram woman, so the man does not have the right to be alone with her, just as he does not have the right to be alone with any non-mahram woman. And he cannot see of her what he cannot see of any non-mahram woman, and there are no special rulings concerning the relationship between them (other than the rulings governing all interactions between non-mahrams). 

Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 3/349. 

With regard to accepting what the divorced husband spends on his children, there is no reason not to do so, even if he does not pray. She should remind her children of the importance of advising their father to pray, and may Allaah guide him through this advice. 

If the mother fears that her children may be adversely affected by their kaafir father or that he may lead them to do something that Allaah has forbidden, it is not permissible for her to allow them to go out with him, because their going out with him is causing them harm. 

And Allaah knows best.

He divorced his wife on the basis of a false accusation

There was an argument between me and my wife, and I doubted her chastity and honour, so I divorced her for that reason. Then after that I realized that these accusations were false and had no basis in truth. Does this divorce count as such?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If you only divorced your wife on this basis, then you realized that she was innocent of that, then the divorce  does not count, because it was based on a reason, then it became apparent that this reason had no substance. This is the view favoured by Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah and Ibn Rajab, and it has been stated in fatwas issued by two contemporary shaykhs: Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem and Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on them both) 

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

If it is said, “Your wife committed zina” or “She went out of the house” and he gets angry and says, “Then she is divorced,” the divorce does not count. This was stated in a fatwa by Ibn ‘Aqeel, and it is the view of ‘Ata’ ibn Abi Rabaah. Something similar was said by Ibn Abi Moosa. If he said to his wife, “You are divorced because you entered the house,” she is not divorced if she did not enter the house, because he only divorced her for a reason, without which the divorce does not take effect. End quote. 

Al-Fataawa al-Kubra, 5/495 

See: Qawaa’id Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali, p. 323 

Shaykh Muhammad Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: 

We have received your letter in which you are asking about your divorcing your wife, and you say that your heard something about her so you got angry and divorced her three times. After that you found out that the news was false, and it was proven that it was not true, and you are asking whether this divorce counts as such or not, because it turned out that she is innocent of what was being said about her. 

The answer:  

Praise be to Allaah. If the situation is as described, and you only divorced her on the basis of that false news, then the correct scholarly view is that the divorce does not count as such. Based on this, the divorce is invalid and the woman is permissible for you under the initial marriage contract, so there is no need for you to formally take her back or do a new marriage contract. End quote. 

Fataawa Muhamamd ibn Ibraaheem, 11/ question no. 3159 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen said in al-Sharh al-Mumti’, 6/245 

If a person bases his words on a reason which is later found to have no substance, there is no ruling on his words. This is a basic principle which has many implications, among the most important of which is what happens to some people with regard to divorce, where a man says to his wife for example, “If you enter the house of So and so then you are divorced,” based on what that person has of haraam means of entertainment such as musical instruments and the like, then he finds out that he has no such things at all. If she enters that house, is she divorced or not? The answer is that she is not divorced, because that was based on a reason which has no substance. This is based on both sharee’ah and rational thinking. End quote.

Ruling on divorce via e-mail

First divorce communicated through email to te wife ,father,and uncle whether valid or a signed document necessary? whether the other two remaining divorces can be obtained immediately?.

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly: 

It is well known in sharee’ah that divorce takes place when the words are uttered, written or indicated by a gesture that takes the place of speaking. See question No. 20660. This is something that is between the husband and his Lord if no one hears him say that. With the regard to divorce via e-mail there is no problem regarding the fact that it is valid: if the husband writes that he is divorcing his wife then the divorce takes place by virtue of that writing. But the issue here is whether this divorce can be proven and authenticated (in court).  

It seems that the husband’s divorce of his wife via e-mail is effective if it is proven definitively that the one who sent the e-mail containing the words of divorce is the husband or someone whom the husband appointed to issue the divorce, and he acknowledges that and does not deny it. 

But if that cannot be proven and the husband does not acknowledge it, then this e-mail message is not valid and divorce does not take place in this case, because it is well known to those who work in this field that it is possible to hack into e-mail accounts and send messages. So we cannot be absolutely certain that the one who sent it is the husband. 

So proof and confirmation must be sought from the husband, and the the divorce should not be regarded as having taken place until after it has been confirmed by the husband. If he confirms it then the ‘iddah begins from the time when he uttered or wrote the words of divorce. 

Secondly: 

The two remaining divorces (talaaq) cannot take place immediately, for divorce takes place one at a time. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): 

“The divorce is twice”

[al-Baqarah 2:229] 

This refers to the revocable divorce (i.e., first or second talaaq). Allaah did not say “two divorces” – which indicates that it can only happen one at a time, followed by the ‘iddah in each case. If the first divorce is valid as is counted as such, then we have to wait out the ‘iddah. If he takes you back during the ‘iddah, then this divorce counts as one of the three divorces, and he has to bring witnesses to attest to that. If he does not take you back during the ‘iddah, then you are divorced as soon as the ‘iddah is over, and it is not permissible for him to take you back without a new marriage contract and a new mahr, and he is regarded as a stranger to you like any other man who may propose marriage, and the marriage can only be done with your approval and the agreement of your guardian.

The applies in the case of a second divorce; if he takes you back during (the ‘iddah) then you are his wife. In the event of a third divorce, you become haraam for him until you have married another husband in a legitimate shar’i marriage which is not done solely with the intention of enabling you to remarry your first husband, and which is consummated in the proper manner. If it so happens that you get divorced from your second husband then it becomes permissible for you to remarry your first husband after the ‘iddah ends. 

And Allaah knows best.

Its the responsibility of every Moslem to learn Quran and tajweed and we also must teach our kids Quran and not only the Quran teaching we should let then be conscious of the basic of Islam and why it was reviled you bet it was railed and truth teaching of holy Quran and with tajweed we read Quran we can understand better all the responses that are demanded if we study koran from a qualified Quran tutor he will let you know verity core of Islam and why koran was reviled for it we should gain the information of the Scripture with there translation and the context of when those verses were reviled and why and that is only potential when we keep on with not simply learning quran for beginners but gaining the ability of Quran tafseer and one inquiry that we all is necessary to ask our self that why we all are here in the world to do good acts or to do bad acts to promote correct or to promote incorrect and will we be answerable to any one after this life of not then the interrogation remains the exact same that the reasons why we are here in the world but if yes then whom we have to reply is there any Lord All these reply exist when we go deep in to the Quran education do Quran reading and the so let us unite hands to full fill our task. We all must do quran memorization and listen to quran online when ever we have time to stay in touch

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Is there a set age for marriage in Islam?

I would like to know whether there is a set age for marriage in Islam for men and women? I hope you can explain with reference to the Qur’aan and saheeh hadeeths.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Islam does not give a specific age for marriage, either for the husband or for the wife. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And for such of your women as despair of menstruation, if ye doubt, their period (of waiting) shall be three months, along with those who have it not”

[al-Talaaq 65:4]. 

Al-Sa‘di (may Allah have mercy on him) said: “along with those who have it [menses] not” means minors, those who have not yet started to menstruate. Adult women who have never menstruated at all are like those who “despair of menstruation” (i.e., have passed menopause); their ‘iddah is three months. End quote. 

Tafseer al-Sa‘di, p. 870 

The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) when she was six years old and the marriage was consummated when she was nine years old. Narrated by al-Bukhaari (4840) and Muslim (1422). 

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in al-Sharh al-Kabeer, 7/386: 

With regard to females, the father may give his minor, virgin daughter who has not yet reached the age of nine in marriage, and there is no difference of opinion concerning that, if he gives her in marriage to someone who is compatible. Ibn al-Mundhir said: All of those scholars from whom we acquired knowledge unanimously agreed that it is permissible for a father to give his minor daughter in marriage if he arranges her to someone who is compatible, and it is permissible for him to do that even if she is reluctant. End quote. 

Secondly: 

No one may give a minor daughter in marriage except her father according to the view of Maalik and Ahmad. This was also the view of al-Shaafa‘i, but he regarded the grandfather as being like the father in that regard. Abu Haneefah said – and it was also narrated from Ahmad – that it is permissible for a guardian other than the father to give (the minor girl) in marriage, but the more correct view is the former one.

See: al-Mughni, 7/33 

Thirdly: 

The father should not give a minor daughter in marriage except in a case where he thinks it is in her best interests. Just as he may only dispose of her wealth in that which is in her best interests, the same applies with regard to arranging her marriage. Islam only permits that to the Muslim father who is pious and pays proper attention to the best interests of his children, and who understands very well that he is a shepherd and that he is responsible for his flock. 

Ibn Wahb narrated that Maalik said, with regard to a man arranging a marriage for an orphan girl under his care: If he thinks that (the husband) is a man of virtue, righteousness and wisdom, it is permissible for him to do that. 

Ahkaam al-Qur’aan by al-Jassaas, 2/342 

Fourthly: 

A man should not consummate marriage with his young bride until she is physically able to bear intercourse. This varies from one time, place and environment to another. 

For more information please see the answers to questions no. 22442 and 127176. 

What young men and guardians of girls should do is hasten to arrange marriages, so as to guard chastity and protect honour, and so as to attain the great purposes for which Allah ordained marriage. 

And Allah knows best.

Stipulating the presence of a guardian (wali) in a misyaar marriage

If I divorced my wife with one talaaq, whilst she is still in her ‘iddah is it permissible for me to do a new misyaar marriage contract? 
Do I have to do get the permission of her guardians for a new marriage contract?
If her guardian did not know about the misyaar marriage and did not agree to it, is it permissible for the imam to take the place of her guardian?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

If a man divorces his wife with one talaaq, it is permissible for him to take her back so long as she is still within the ‘iddah period. Taking her back may be done verbally, or by having intercourse with her with the intention of taking her back. If the ‘iddah has ended, he cannot take her back except with a new marriage contract. 

He may also marry a second wife before divorcing the first one or afterwards or during the ‘iddah, because there is no connection between the two matters. And he does not have to tell the first wife or get her agreement, because Allah has permitted the man to have four wives on condition that he treat them fairly. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning): “then marry (other) women of your choice, two or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one” [al-Nisa’ 4:3]. 

Secondly: 

A misyaar marriage, if it fulfils the conditions of marriage, namely the consent of the woman, the presence of her guardian and two witnesses, and the mahr, is a valid marriage and there is nothing wrong with a woman yielding some of her rights to accommodation, a share of her husband’s time or maintenance. 

But marriage without the guardian is not valid, because the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian.” Narrated by Abu Dawood (2085), al-Tirmidhi (1101) and Ibn Maajah (1881) from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash‘ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi. 

And the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a guardian and two witnesses of good character.” Narrated by al-Bayhaqi from the hadeeth of ‘Imraan and ‘Aa’ishah; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 7557. 

And he (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” Narrated by Ahmad (24417), Abu Dawood (2083) and al-Tirmidhi (1102); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami‘, no. 2709. 

It is not permissible to conceal the matter from her guardian and the marriage is not valid unless it is done by the guardian himself or the guardian delegates someone to do the marriage contract on his behalf. 

It is not permissible for the imam to take his place unless the guardian has delegated him to do the marriage contract. 

The condition of the guardian being present is emphatically stipulated in the case of misyaar marriage, so as to differentiate between it and immoral relationships. 

See also the answer to question no. 82390. 

And Allah knows best.

Ruling on forfeiting the right to inheritance in a misyaar marriage

Is it permissible in a misyaar marriage for the wife to forfeit the right to inheritance at the time of writing the marriage contract, if her husband dies when she is still married to him?.

Praise be to Allaah.

If the misyaar marriage fulfils the conditions and necessary parts of marriage and is free of any impediments, then it is a valid marriage in which all the consequences of marriage take effect, including inheritance. So each spouse inherits from the other. If one of the spouses stipulates that the other should forfeit his or her inheritance in the event of death, this stipulation is not valid because the legacy cannot be taken possession of until after the death of the one from whom it is inherited. Forfeiting it before that is forfeiting something that one does not possess. But if this forfeiting comes after becoming entitled to the inheritance, which is after the death of the person concerned, and is done willingly and freely by the one who is forfeiting it, then it is permissible. 

Shaykh Bakri al-Sadafi (may Allah have mercy on him), the former Mufti of Egypt, said: If they get married on condition that one will not inherit from the other if he or she dies, this condition carries no weight and either inherits from the other if he or she dies. 

End quote from Fataawa al-Azhar. 

And Allah knows best.

Are the marriages of the disbelievers regarded as valid for them and are the children to be attributed to them?

Without nikah child birth is haram. it means every non Muslim in todays world is living haram? because his/her parents didn't do nikah. can u clear my mind about this. basically my question is. in today's world is every non Muslim live haram?.

Praise be to Allaah.

Firstly: 

Marriages that are regarded by the disbelievers as valid are approved by Islam and deemed to be valid, and the same consequences apply to them as to marriages that are sound according to sharee‘ah, such as legitimacy of children and inheritance between the spouses, and other rulings connected to valid marriage. 

At the time of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) many people became Muslim and he did not ask about the details or conditions of their marriages; rather he approved of them, which indicated that they were valid.  

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allah have mercy on him) said: The marriages of the disbelievers are valid and are approved of if they become Muslim or if they refer to us for judgement, if the woman is one whom it is permissible to marry at the present moment, and the details and manner of the marriage contract are not to be examined and the marriage is not to be examined to see whether it conformed to the conditions for marriage among the Muslims, such as the presence of the wali (woman’s guardian) and witnesses, and the format of the proposal and acceptance, and so on. There is no difference of opinion concerning this among the Muslims. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that if two spouses become Muslim together at the same time, they remain married according to their original marriage, so long as they are not too closely related by blood or through breastfeeding. People became Muslim at the time of the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and their wives also became Muslim, and their marriages were approved of; the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) did not ask them about the conditions of their marriage or how it was done. This is something that is known through mutawaatir reports and is something that is well known to all Muslims, so it is certain. But the marriage may be checked in some ways. If the woman is one whom it is permissible for him to marry in the first place, the marriage is approved, but if she is one whom it is not permissible for him to marry in the first place, such as a mahram (close relative) through blood or otherwise, or because she is in ‘iddah, an apostate, an idol worshipper, a Magian, or one whom he has thrice divorced, then it is not to be approved. If they got married during the ‘iddah and they became Muslim after the ‘iddah ended, then it is to be approved, because it is permissible for him to marry her in principle. 

End quote from al-Mughni, 7/115 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said: Marriages of the disbelievers come under the same rulings as marriages of Muslims with regard to consequences such as zihaar, li‘aan, talaaq, attribution of lineage, and so on. 

Secondly: 

If the marriage is valid according to Islamic sharee‘ah, then it is valid. If it is invalid according to Islamic sharee‘ah, then it may be approved subject to two conditions:

(i)                that they regarded it as valid according to their own laws

(ii)              that they did not refer to us for judgement. 

If they do not regard it as valid, then they should be separated. If they refer to us for judgement, we should examine the case. If that is before the marriage contract has been done, then we should do it according to our laws. If it is after the marriage contract has been done, then we should find out whether the woman was permissible (for him to marry), in which case we should approve the marriage, but if she was not permissible then we should separate them. The evidence for these things is the fact that disbelievers became Muslim at the time of the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and he left those who were married on the basis of their marriages during the Jaahiliyyah and did not discuss the matter. This indicates that (such marriages) are to be left as they are.

End quote from ash-Sharh al-Mumti‘, 12/239 

Based on that, the children who are born to non-Muslims, if they were born within a marriage that they believe is a valid marriage, are indeed their children and attributing them to them is valid. 

But if they did not believe that this was a proper marriage; rather it was a kind of friendship and love without marriage, then these are illegitimate children, not legitimate. 

But if the zaani attributes them to himself and regards them as his children, then they are his children and are to be attributed to him. 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked about the problem of zina (fornication or adultery) which few of our brothers and sisters were free of before they became Muslim; and many children resulted from these relationships. With regard to the children who are born as a result of zina (fornication), is it obligatory for their fathers who have become Muslim and who were not married to the mothers to spend on their maintenance? 

He replied: With regard to these people who had intercourse when they were still disbelievers, if they believed that this intercourse occurred in the context of a marriage contract that they thought was valid, even though it is invalid according to sharee‘ah, the marriage contract is valid and the children belong to that man. For example, when he was still a disbeliever, a man proposed to a woman that he should be her husband and she agreed, and they thought that this was a marriage contract, then the man and woman became Muslim. We say: Your marriage is still valid and there is no need to repeat the marriage contract, and any children that you had are your children, unless the wife is not permissible for the husband in Islam. An example of that is if he was a Magian and married his sister, as the Magians regard it as permissible to marry mahrams (close relatives). If he married his sister when he was a disbeliever, then he became Muslim and she became Muslim, they must be separated because the woman is not permissible for the man. With regard to the group of people you mention we say: If they believe that what they did of having relationships with these women was a marriage, then it is not zina and the children belong to them. But if you believed that it was zina and you attributed these children to yourself when you were still a disbeliever -- i.e., the zaani said: These are my children -- then they are his children, so long as there is no one to dispute with him on this issue. But if they did not attribute these children to themselves, then they are not their children. 

With regard to maintenance, if we determine that they are their children, then they are obliged to spend on their maintenance; if we have not determined that, then they are not obliged to spend on their maintenance. 

End quote from Fataawa Noor ‘ala ad-Darb.